“Would you like to go on a special outing, just the two of us?” This question has echoed in my home many times, but it has been a while since I posed it to my oldest child, Max. Since the arrival of our newest baby nearly seven months ago, we haven’t had a chance for some quality time together.
Max, now four, is the eldest of three siblings. He has a two-year-old sister, Lily, and a baby brother, Oliver. Max is a bright, compassionate, and helpful child, yet he also experiences emotions intensely and can be quick to frustration. His capacity for love is boundless, and he cherishes his siblings deeply. Despite this, he has undoubtedly been feeling overlooked since his status as the sole child changed.
When Lily came into our lives two and a half years ago, we began going on special outings. These “dates” were simple, yet meaningful; we would often leave the house hand in hand, enjoying the moment together without caring much about our destination.
As time passed and I became pregnant again, Max stepped into the role of the responsible big brother, one I relied on heavily. He adores his younger siblings and would never trade them for his previous status, yet I can’t help but feel that he has been somewhat sidelined.
Just yesterday was Thanksgiving, a day that should have been filled with joy. Yet, Max spent most of the time expressing his frustration at not receiving enough attention from his father, despite having played together all day. I strive to acknowledge his feelings and reassure him that I am listening, but I often find myself outnumbered. With three children and sleepless nights, patience becomes a rare commodity.
This morning, I decided to ask Max again, “Would you like to go on a date, just the two of us?” I could see the excitement in his eyes as he responded eagerly. He asked for a special treat: could I carry him to the car? I lifted my big boy, and as he dangled there, I realized how quickly he has grown.
We chose IHOP for our outing, a treat in our gluten-free household. Sitting in the booth, he nestled up next to me, and we began working on his activity placemat together. As I observed him, I noticed a scratch on his cheek and began to take in every detail of his face, as if I were rediscovering him. The freckles on his nose spread all the way to his temples, merging into his tousled brown hair. Where had my little baby gone? He leaned in close, whispering, “I love you,” as he remained focused on his maze.
In that moment, I realized I hadn’t scolded him once during our meal. No disapproving looks or nagging reminders. He truly seemed perfect in that instant.
How had I lost touch with the little things? After our meal, he took the check and asked for money to pay for our date. When we stood up, his head reached just above my waist. When did he get so tall? I watched him interact with the cashier, and he asked to be carried one last time.
Once we were in the car, I was overwhelmed by tears of emotion and regret. I hugged him tightly, explaining that I knew it was challenging for both of us to manage his siblings and that I sometimes failed to give him the attention he deserved. I promised him we would have more dates, even if it was just a drive together while listening to music. He smiled and assured me he would enjoy that.
This is why I prioritize one-on-one time with my son.
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Summary:
In a heartfelt reflection, a mother shares her experience of reconnecting with her eldest child after the arrival of a new sibling. Through dedicated one-on-one outings, she acknowledges the importance of nurturing their bond amidst the challenges of parenting multiple children. This practice not only strengthens their relationship but also allows her to appreciate the unique qualities of her son, reminding her of the joys of parenthood.
Keyphrase: One-on-One Time with Child
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