This past holiday season, I crafted a festive Advent calendar, meticulously filling each glittery pocket with three pieces of candy—one for each of my children. As I envisioned their joyful faces and excited whispers, I anticipated a magical experience. However, after just two days, reality set in: my children began squabbling over who would receive which candy. In an attempt to drown out their bickering, I resorted to vacuuming, shouting in frustration about how this was meant to be a special time.
In that moment, it hit me—I had placed unrealistic expectations on how my children should appreciate these moments. It wasn’t that my partner and I were showering them with material gifts; it was my relentless pursuit of creating memorable experiences that was the problem. I realized that they should own these moments, not me. When my carefully planned surprises didn’t evoke the desired joy, I found myself feeling angry and unappreciated. They likely wouldn’t understand the effort I put in until they became parents themselves, but that was never my intention.
The truth is, genuine special moments often arise spontaneously rather than from meticulous planning. Some of the best memories I cherish stem from unpredicted experiences. For instance, there was a day when my partner unexpectedly came home early. We seized the opportunity for a delightful afternoon together, enjoying fried chicken after what felt like ages of routine. It was a simple yet profound moment, far more enjoyable than any meticulously organized night out.
I also recall the time I stumbled upon a bouquet of wilting dandelions in my child’s room. When I remarked on their sad state, he sweetly responded, “No, Mama, they’re just turning into wishes.” That’s the essence of what makes moments special—an innate sense of wonder and joy that doesn’t rely on grand gestures.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I realize that the most enchanting experiences were those devoid of expectation. They were fleeting instances that sparked joy, not orchestrated events filled with pressure. By stepping back, lowering my expectations, and allowing my children to encounter magic in their own way, perhaps we can cultivate more genuine moments together.
Next year, I might forgo the candy in the Advent calendar and stop asking my kids where they want to eat out, as it usually ends in disagreements. Instead, I’ll make those decisions, keeping it simple. I won’t feel the need to oversell the excitement of a Saturday outing, which often leads to disappointment when things don’t go as imagined.
I don’t expect perfection from my children, my days, or our experiences. My goal is to create cherished memories for my family, but I aim to do it without the pressure that often accompanies my efforts. After all, a mother who remains calm and collected is truly what makes moments special.
In summary, I’ve come to understand the importance of stepping back in my parenting approach. By allowing my children to experience life’s little wonders without the weight of my expectations, I hope to foster an environment where special moments can flourish naturally.