Dear Daughter,
As your mother, I sincerely hope I never need to share this letter with you. My greatest wish is to instill in you a sense of self-acceptance before insecurities begin to stack up like bricks. I hope you always find beauty in the world around you and—most importantly—in yourself.
I wish for you to never feel pressured by a boy to shed pounds or by a salesperson to believe that cosmetics are essential to your beauty. I hope I never have to hear you utter words like, “I’m too fat” or “I’m too ugly.” I truly hope that self-criticism doesn’t become a daily part of your life.
This is your 28-year-old mama speaking to you, just seven months after your birth. Currently, I’m navigating my own complex relationship with my post-baby body. Logically, I know that I look fine. I remind myself that my body is beautiful because it carried you for nine months and continues to nourish you through breastfeeding. Yet, when I gaze into the mirror, I often feel defeated. On particularly tough days, I feel utterly broken.
Throughout my life, I’ve grappled with insecurities regarding my appearance. Before I became pregnant, I relied on quick fixes: crash diets for bloating or salon visits for a fresh look. Those superficial solutions are now gone. Pregnancy has a way of revealing flaws, making it impossible to disguise a significant weight gain or erase stretch marks.
Honestly, I too am weary of my insecurities. It’s draining to compare myself to others—there will always be someone who seems prettier, younger, or more accomplished. It scares me that you might notice my frown when I step on the scale or see me try on multiple outfits to find one that conceals my stomach. How can I teach you about true beauty when I struggle with self-acceptance?
In this vulnerable phase of my life, I actively reflect on what I want to impart to you about beauty and the female body. This challenge is profound for me, as your mother. You may not realize how much your presence helps me combat my self-critical thoughts. You look at me as if I am the center of your universe, and I wish to build a positive self-image on that love. When the time comes for us to discuss weight, beauty, flaws, and insecurities, I want to respond with sincerity and affection.
My hope is for you to truly savor moments without worrying about how you look. Engage in sports, try martial arts, or dance. Enjoy making sandcastles in your swimsuit. Relish the delicious fried chicken your father prepares for you. Don’t let a scale define your worth. Accept compliments graciously, and believe them wholeheartedly. My love, these are the lessons I need to learn for myself right now; embracing them is the best way to teach you.
If I ever need to share this letter with you in the future, I hope it’s to show you that many women face challenges in feeling good about their bodies. I want you to be confident enough to uplift others. Always strive to recognize the beauty in those around you. Do not compete with them; instead, support them, just as you are lifting me up now.
Thank you, and I will always love you.
Mommy