The archetype of the “Crazy Cat Lady” is one we are all familiar with—an eccentric individual often depicted with unkempt hair, worn-out clothing, and perhaps a faint scent of feline litter. You might have seen her at the grocery store, pushing a cart overflowing with cat treats and kibble or found yourself living next door, where you were greeted by an unexpected gift of a small critter. If you engaged her in conversation while she walked her six cats, each on their own leash, you’d likely learn their names, favorite TV shows, and even their political views (one feline was a staunch supporter of a certain political figure, causing quite the stir during her morning yoga routine).
Once, I pondered what could lead someone to embrace such a life of feline devotion, but after raising children of my own, my perspective has shifted. It seems that what I once perceived as a quirky lifestyle is, in fact, a treasure trove of wisdom born from experience. She might have been the oldest of numerous siblings or the last in her social circle to have children. Whatever her story, she possesses a wealth of knowledge that I now envy.
Thus, I’ve concluded that in my next life, I’ll choose cats over kids. Here are my reasons:
- Vegetable Aversion
Both children and cats share a common fear of vegetables. However, while my cat’s reaction to a cucumber yields endless laughter on the internet, my toddler’s distress over a carrot ends in tears and chaos. - Potty Training
Cats use a litter box and, with a bit of dignity, cover their deposits. Meanwhile, my toddler’s last floor incident was an announcement of pride, followed by a messy aftermath that took ages to clean. - Calm Transports
Both cats and children can throw tantrums during car rides. Yet, with my cat, I can visit the vet for a calming sedative, which is not an option I’d want to explore with my child. - Napping Champion
Getting my toddler to nap often resembles a wrestling match, complete with dramatic protests and resistance. Cats, on the other hand, have a reputation for sleeping effortlessly anywhere and at any time. - Noisemakers
While my toddler shuffles around like a ninja, I wish I could attach a bell to him. Alas, this is deemed unsafe. My cat, however, announces his presence with a delightful jingle. - Privacy Matters
When my cat walks in on intimate moments, he remains unfazed. My children, however, might require therapy after witnessing such things, not to mention the awkwardness it brings. - Sleep Space
When my toddler inevitably joins me in bed at night, it’s often for trivial reasons, claiming most of the covers. In contrast, my cat simply curls up in a cozy laundry basket. - Simplified Education
For those raising adolescents, the solution is simple: spay and neuter. In the realm of cats, it’s a straightforward lesson. - Bathing Dilemmas
Bathing my toddler is akin to wrestling a slippery fish; it’s a messy ordeal. Cats, however, groom themselves quietly and efficiently throughout the day. - Parasite Management
If my cat encounters fleas, I can simply put a collar on him and designate him to the garage. With children, it’s a long, arduous process involving intensive cleaning. - Self-Sufficiency
Cats are adept at finding food, whether by begging next door or scavenging. If I forget to feed my kids, it’s a different story—no neighborly help here. - Disciplinary Action
With cats, a quick squirt from a water bottle suffices for discipline. For children, a time-out is a complex procedure involving endless negotiation. - Respectful Communication
My cat has never shouted “I hate you!” or used expletives during a mealtime standoff. Though I suspect he once gave me the paw. - Landing Skills
Cats are known for their agility, always landing on their feet. Unfortunately, toddlers seem to attract falls and bumps, often landing on their heads. - Milk Consumption
When my cat enjoys milk, my personal discomfort is nonexistent. Unlike the physical toll of breastfeeding, cat milk remains a peaceful affair.
After raising three children in five years, I often feel frazzled and exhausted, resembling a disheveled figure who hasn’t seen a full night’s sleep in ages. The Crazy Cat Lady, however, can leave her beloved pets at home while she shops for their festive outfits without a worry in the world.
In conclusion, it’s clear that the life of a cat owner offers a unique blend of humor, simplicity, and a lot less chaos compared to parenting.
For those considering the journey of parenthood, you might find useful insights on pregnancy and home insemination at March of Dimes. If you’re looking for a more hands-on approach, check out Cryobaby At-Home Insemination Kit and discover more about self insemination with Babymaker Home Intra-Cervical Insemination Syringe Kit Combo.
Keyphrase: Cats over kids in next life
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]