Abstract:
The societal norm of questioning parents about their intentions regarding the gender of their future children is both intrusive and hurtful. As the mother of two wonderful sons, I find it deeply unsettling when strangers probe into my reproductive plans, particularly when the implication is that my family is somehow incomplete without a daughter.
I am the proud mother of two sons, both of whom are joyful, healthy, and intelligent. Yet, I face the same uncomfortable question daily: “Are you going to try for a girl?” This line of inquiry is not only impolite but also assumes a lot about my parenting experience and desires. It’s perplexing to think that asking a stranger about their satisfaction with their children has become commonplace.
For instance, only three weeks after my younger son was born, we visited a local eatery. The server, upon seeing my newborn dressed in blue, immediately asked if we were planning on having a girl. At that moment, I was still processing my recent experience as a new parent, and this question felt like an unnecessary pressure to conform to societal expectations.
While I did have a desire for a daughter and even expressed this in a previous article, every inquiry regarding my intention to “try for a girl” serves as a reminder of what I do not have. It’s a painful moment of reflection on the experiences I won’t share—like braiding hair or discussing influential women. Each time I respond with a smile, I am reminded of the daughter I always imagined.
Moreover, I worry about the message these questions send to my older son. At nearly five years old, he might wonder why people feel the need to ask if I am trying to have a girl. Does he interpret this as a sign that he is somehow less valuable because he is not a girl? While I always emphasize how wonderful my boys are, I fear he may internalize the belief that children only hold value based on their gender.
It is important to note that I am exceptionally fortunate to have two children. During my first son’s emergency C-section, I learned about a uterine anomaly that affects my ability to conceive; I possess only half of a functional uterus. This realization adds another layer to my personal journey, as I understand how lucky I am to have become pregnant twice, especially given the potential for infertility associated with my condition. So, even contemplating a third child is complicated by the uncertainty surrounding my ability to conceive again.
Consider the many women who face fertility challenges, miscarriages, or the heart-wrenching experience of losing a child. Questions about gender can unintentionally reopen old wounds. I cannot fathom the pain of undergoing such inquiries after experiencing loss.
Ultimately, my reproductive decisions are personal and should remain private. Although I share personal stories online, discussing my family planning choices with strangers is a boundary I prefer to maintain. I shouldn’t have to justify my sons’ existence or explain my decision not to pursue a third child.
Conclusion
When engaging with parents at the park or in social settings, I urge you to choose your questions wisely. Avoid asking parents of boys if they wish for a girl, or vice versa. Do not inquire about future children or question why parents have multiple kids. The truth is, you have no idea what families have gone through, and such questions can be deeply invasive.
Summary:
In essence, questioning parents about their intentions for future children, especially regarding gender, is intrusive and can be emotionally charged. As a mother of two sons, I find these inquiries offensive and hurtful, particularly given my unique reproductive challenges. Ultimately, family planning is a personal matter, and society should respect that.
For additional insights on home insemination and pregnancy, visit March of Dimes for excellent resources, or check out this informative post on home insemination kits for more information on reproductive choices.
Keyphrase: family planning choices
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]