By: Emily Carter
Updated: Dec. 16, 2020
Originally Published: Sep. 8, 2017
Parents have long asked their children the classic question: “How was school today?” Yet, for countless generations, kids have responded with the same vague reply: “fine.”
Let’s be honest: “fine” doesn’t cut it. It’s a term reserved for those who want to avoid depth. “Fine” is what you say to the cashier at the grocery store when you’re not inclined to share your life story. Unfortunately, it doesn’t offer the genuine connection I crave from my three kids when I inquire about their day at school.
While I understand that my children are growing and striving for independence, I’m not ready to be left in the dark about their daily experiences. The challenge lies in discovering how to engage them in a meaningful way.
Much like many aspects of parenting, fostering these conversations is a skill that can be honed, and timing is crucial.
The car is often my preferred setting for these discussions since my kids are somewhat of a captive audience. However, they usually aren’t in the mood right after school. My 12-year-old tends to open up during dinner, when the family is gathered. My youngest frequently becomes chatty at bedtime—perhaps not the ideal moment for a heart-to-heart, but it’s when she’s most talkative and has my undivided attention. My teenager is the most unpredictable; some days she welcomes my inquiries, while other times, she brushes me off, claiming she’s too busy with homework (ouch).
In addition to encouraging my kids to share their thoughts, I’ve had to learn the art of listening attentively without interruptions. Our afternoons are often chaotic, filled with dinner preparations and after-school activities. I can’t count how many potentially insightful conversations have been interrupted by the oven timer or by my premature follow-up questions because we’re rushing off to the next event. Our kids, especially in their tween and teen years, are sensitive beings. I’ve discovered that sometimes the best approach is simply to sit back, listen, and let them share their lives—and if I’m fortunate, their feelings too.
Here are 21 engaging questions to help you go beyond the typical “fine” response:
- What was the standout moment of your day?
- Can you share the most thrilling event that took place?
- Which area of your classroom do you find the most intriguing?
- What was the least exciting activity you did today?
- How did you show kindness today?
- If you could assign a nickname to your teacher, what would it be?
- Who had the most impressive lunch today?
- What was the funniest incident that occurred?
- What made you laugh today?
- How did you perform an act of kindness today?
- What was something helpful someone did for you?
- What do you appreciate most about your teacher?
- If you could choose anyone to sit next to in class, who would it be?
- What games did you play during recess?
- Did you create anything cool today?
- Do you believe the classroom rules are fair or unfair?
- Is there anything that puzzled you today?
- Was there a moment when you felt confused?
- What was the most challenging part of your day?
- Is there something you want me to know about your day?
- What are you most excited about for tomorrow?
Aside from encouraging my children to share their school experiences, I’ve also learned to express gratitude when they do open up. Thanking them reinforces that I genuinely value their thoughts and emotions. It also motivates them to continue sharing, which is the best way to address my ongoing “mom FOMO.” If only we had a way to peek into their classrooms… just kidding (or am I?).
For more insights on parenting and connection, check out this resource that offers expert advice. Also, for those navigating the journey of parenthood, March of Dimes is an excellent source of information on pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, if you’re exploring options for starting a family, consider looking into this post for guidance.
In summary, engaging your kids in meaningful conversations about their school day can be a challenge, but with the right questions and a little patience, you can cultivate a deeper connection and understanding of their experiences.