By: Jamie Thompson
Updated: July 27, 2016
Originally Published: Oct. 30, 2015
When my eldest was just a baby, we embarked on a bedtime routine that incorporated every tip we had ever come across: soft lighting during nursing, soothing massages, lullabies, and eventually, bedtime stories, water, and prayers. By age three, our routine became so elaborate it felt like preparing for a Broadway show—there were games, songs, multiple prayers, back rubs, and plenty of snuggles. Eventually, we simplified it to just brushing teeth and saying prayers.
However, this led to what I refer to as the “second act” of bedtime, which kicks off the moment I kiss them goodnight, turn off the lights, and exit the room. I often find myself counting down silently, only to hear a familiar call: “Mom!”
“I need a drink of water,” my 5-year-old son wails.
“It’s right there on your nightstand,” I reply, giving him another kiss before retreating to the kitchen.
Then come the little footsteps—“Mom, I need to go to the bathroom.” I let him go, and after a brief pause, I hear the creak of the hallway floor.
“What now?” I ask, my patience wearing thin.
“The fan is blowing on my feet,” he says. Back into the bedroom I go to tuck him in properly, covering his feet with a sheet but not the blanket, since that would be too warm.
“All set? Goodnight!” I return to the kitchen, hoping for some peace. Half an hour later, just as I’m enjoying some cookies and a good book, I’m startled by a tiny face peering over the armchair.
“I forgot to tell you something,” he says. I brace myself for a long conversation. “Um…” he trails off, clearly not prepared for this diversion.
“Buddy,” I say, sometimes gently, often with a hint of exasperation, “GET BACK INTO BED.”
Some nights, that works; other nights, it can stretch on for two hours. But what if there was a simpler solution? Enter the “sleep pass,” a concept similar to a hall pass but designed for kids who keep getting out of bed, driving parents to distraction and depriving themselves of sleep.
Dr. Lisa Franklin, a child psychologist from the Family Behavioral Health Center, conducted research on this approach, using a 5-by-7-inch card that children could use once per bedtime to get out of bed. They could go for a drink, use the bathroom, or request a hug—but after that, their freedom was revoked, and parents wouldn’t respond to further calls. Results showed that this strategy completely eliminated crying and wandering.
The beauty of the sleep pass is in the control it provides for both parents and kids. Children know they have the option to leave their room if they truly need to, while parents can confidently keep the door closed after the pass is used. I’m giving this a try tonight. If it helps reduce the bedtime boomerang, I’m all in.
Not only will this help me reclaim my evenings, but my son truly needs more sleep, and the mere act of deciding whether to use the pass might just bore him enough to drift off.
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Summary
Managing bedtime can be a challenge for parents, especially when kids keep popping out of bed. A “sleep pass” system allows children one opportunity to leave their room, which can significantly reduce disruptions. This method not only provides structure but can help children settle down and get the rest they need.
Keyphrase: “bedtime strategies for kids”
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