As my eldest prepares to apply to colleges this fall, my mind is consumed with thoughts about higher education. Watching friends send their kids off on this journey for the first time, I’m caught in a whirlwind of emotions—trying to savor the present while also planning for what’s next. If you’re embarking on this process, it’s essential to navigate the all-important college visit with a sense of humor. Here’s how:
Step 1: The Illusion of Agreement
Your child reluctantly agrees to visit a few colleges on a date you’ve meticulously chosen after analyzing family schedules. You’ve taken a day off work, arranged childcare for younger siblings, prepped a meal in the crockpot, and even arranged for someone to walk the dog. You feel a fleeting sense of joy—could it be your child actually cares about his future and values time management?
Step 2: The Reality Check
The night before, you remind your child about the visit. “Wait, tomorrow?” he responds, horrified. “I thought we were going to hang out with friends/sleep in/play video games! Why do we have to do this? Can’t I just apply online?”
Step 3: The Awkward Silence
While you dreamt of heartwarming conversations during the drive, the reality is that your child will likely ignore you, scroll through social media, or catch some Z’s, all while silently protesting this forced family time.
Step 4: The Tour Experience
You’ll likely attend a presentation and tour the campus. Brace yourself for an atmosphere thick with discomfort. Each student appears trapped, convinced they don’t belong, and praying their parents won’t embarrass them with questions. Seriously, avoid asking anything about the school where your child might spend the next four years and where you’ll potentially invest upwards of $61,000 annually. And whatever you do, don’t try to get closer to hear the tour guide better—it’s just too cringe-worthy.
Step 5: The Rush to Leave
By 1 p.m., the tour wraps up, and you should be in the car by 1:02 p.m. No bathroom breaks or detours to explore the campus further. Forget checking out the gym, even if your child dreams of playing college sports. Just hit the road. Don’t even think about introducing yourself to the local admissions officer or finding a nice cafe for lunch—there’s a McDonald’s on the interstate with a drive-thru. But hey, you can pick up a $75 sweatshirt from the campus bookstore on your way out.
Step 6: The Reflection
During the five-hour drive home, you might attempt some meaningful dialogue:
You: “So, what did you think?”
Child: (grunts)
You: “Did you like it?”
Child: “Ehh.”
You: “Will you apply?”
Child: “Maybe.”
You: “Think about it. Let me know.”
Child: “I did like that they have comfort puppies and hot chocolate carts during finals!”
Step 7: The Aftermath
Recovery from this one-day college tour will take at least three days. You’ll feel worn out, frustrated by your devotion to your child’s future, and disheartened by their apparent lack of interest. Your back will ache from sitting in the car too long, and you’ll feel bloated from the fast food. You’ll wrestle with a mix of emotions, worrying about your child’s readiness for independence while contemplating the right fit for them. And yes, this is just the first of many visits to come.
Note: This humorous take is intended to lighten a challenging process, especially for first-time parents who might be overly eager to get started before their child is ready (wink, wink).
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Summary:
Preparing for college visits can be a humorous yet exhausting journey. From the initial excitement to the reality of teen resistance, every step has its challenges. Embrace the process, as it’s just the beginning of many college tours to come.
Keyphrase: college visit tips
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