Sometimes, it feels like my partner and I are operating a small business. We have our own specific duties, budgets to manage, and ongoing discussions about our “business” strategy: I’ll handle this, you take care of that, and we need to address that issue by next week. If we need to take a day off, we negotiate that too. Overall, we manage the logistics of our household fairly well.
However, our relationship often gets sidelined amidst the daily chaos of parenting and work. Despite our attempts to reconnect through date nights or quiet time together, we sometimes feel more like colleagues than romantic partners.
What if we introduced regular “relationship performance reviews” as suggested by Jenna Roberts, a relationship expert featured in a popular magazine? These check-ins allow partners to openly discuss their feelings about the relationship on a regular basis. Roberts points out, “Many marriage counselors and researchers advocate for couples to conduct periodic evaluations of their relationship. Often, couples wait until issues become serious before seeking help. Regular check-ins can help partners identify what’s working, what’s not, and set improvement goals long before problems escalate.”
In a notable study published in the Journal of Couples Therapy, researchers had 216 married couples complete questionnaires to pinpoint strengths and weaknesses in their relationships. They divided the couples into two groups: one that received “checkups” with a therapist and another that did not. The results were telling:
The couples who participated in the checkups reported significant improvements in relationship satisfaction, intimacy, and acceptance over the following years compared to those who didn’t engage in checkups. It was particularly beneficial for couples who had faced significant challenges prior to the evaluations.
I tend to have a somewhat resigned view of relationships, believing they either work out or they don’t. However, I can appreciate how taking the time to sit down with your partner and express what’s going well and what’s not could be incredibly valuable. If you’re suppressing frustrations about shared responsibilities, intimacy, or communication styles, those feelings can build up. Addressing them early on—perhaps by saying, “I’m concerned about our distribution of chores” or “I would appreciate a more respectful tone during discussions”—could prevent issues from becoming entrenched.
In fact, one of the benefits of therapy can be recognizing when it’s time to reevaluate the relationship. If you find that your requests for change go unheeded, those check-ins might serve as a signal to reassess your partnership.
So, perhaps our date nights will now incorporate a little “State of the Union.” I’ll share what I appreciate and what I wish was different, and he can do the same. If we allow ourselves to slip into just being business partners, we may find ourselves heading towards a breakup.
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In summary, conducting performance reviews in your relationship could enhance communication and satisfaction while preventing problems from escalating. By regularly checking in with each other, you foster a healthier partnership that thrives beyond the everyday grind.
Keyphrase: Relationship Performance Review
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