Sometimes, I find myself feeling a bit embarrassed about being a stay-at-home mom. I often catch myself making excuses about how I spend my time and feeling the need to justify my choices—not to others, but to myself. It seems like the real critic is the one inside my head. When I finally get a moment of peace, I feel compelled to jump up and do something productive. I can’t possibly allow myself to just sit down and scroll through my phone, right? That would be pure laziness.
I’m not here to debate whether our society values stay-at-home parents—it’s a topic that’s been well explored. However, I do find myself reflecting on how we perceive our own worth through society’s eyes after making our choices. For instance, how would you judge me if I told you that the other day, during the blissful three hours both my kids were at school, I chose to forget about money, job searches, chores, and errands? Instead, I spent an hour and a half at a yoga class in the middle of the day. Afterward, I strolled over to a coffee shop and treated myself to a $1.34 coffee.
I know the judgments that might cross your mind, and they cross mine as well: Spoiled. Special. Privileged. Clearly, if I have time for yoga during the morning, I’m not contributing to society, right? Those assumptions are deeply rooted in our culture.
What I’ve come to understand is that the issue isn’t about being a stay-at-home parent, but about how our culture shuns the idea of simply taking a moment to breathe. Being busy has become a status symbol in America: “Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously, your life cannot possibly be trivial if you are fully booked every hour of the day.”
The challenge for stay-at-home parents is proving our worth—not just to onlookers or blog writers, but to ourselves. In a world that glorifies busyness, how do I, as a stay-at-home mom who occasionally enjoys a coffee break, find my value? I went to yoga in the morning, and I feel like I embody the stereotype that many disdain. This mindset has seeped into my self-perception, and I find myself resenting that very feeling of self-loathing.
In a society that champions those who juggle it all—cooking, cleaning, running businesses, prepping meals, and reading bestsellers—it’s hard not to measure myself against that standard. The real crux of the so-called “Mommy Wars” isn’t about who has it tougher; it’s about a culture that places a premium on busyness. The busier we are, the more significant we feel.
Isn’t it absurd? Why does it matter who is more indispensable based on our overstuffed calendars? The truth is, we are all irreplaceable to our families, and that should be enough. Yet, I still find myself caught in this comparison trap.
I don’t aspire to do it all. The chaos, exhaustion, and unhappiness that come with that lifestyle are not for me. I’ve lived that life, and while it works for some, it felt as awkward as Björk’s infamous swan dress on me. My family remembers those chaotic times, and we laugh about it now, but I know that calmer days suit us much better.
Still, I often berate myself for the choices I’ve made. I measure my life against the relentless work ethic that has been ingrained in me since childhood. I remember a teacher who once donned a ridiculous costume, proclaiming the importance of hard work. That Puritan work ethic has etched itself into my psyche, making me feel guilty when I embrace moments of stillness.
So how do we shift this narrative? We need to embrace the idea that not being busy is perfectly okay. A dear friend once told me, “I love my life! I get to stay home, cook, paint, and just be present. Yes, summers can be challenging, but I cherish those quiet moments. I’ll even take 30 minutes to do absolutely nothing, simply because I can.” Implicit in her words is a powerful question: Why should I apologize for what many dream of? What guilt makes me feel the need to justify those moments of relaxation?
As I approach my 40s, I’ve noticed changes in my body that remind me of time passing—wrinkles, weight fluctuations, and the reality of aging. But I’ve also come to realize that I shouldn’t care about others’ opinions. I don’t need to prove my worth through busyness or seek validation in being constantly occupied. I appreciate those who do it all, but I want to whisper to them, “You know you don’t have to carry that burden, right? You are loved just the way you are.”
I’ve learned that happiness is a tricky color, often elusive. Busyness should not define my success or self-worth. Ultimately, I want to change how I view my life and, more importantly, to love my life to the fullest.
Summary:
In this reflective piece, Jamie Thompson shares her internal struggle with being a stay-at-home mom in a society that glorifies busyness. She grapples with feelings of guilt and embarrassment about her choices, questioning societal values and the pressures of productivity. Through personal anecdotes and insights, she emphasizes the importance of embracing moments of stillness and redefining success beyond a busy schedule.
Keyphrase: stay-at-home mom struggles
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