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What ‘Normal’ Really Looks Like
by Emily Carter
Updated: June 2, 2020
Originally Published: March 24, 2018
“Sorry, I can’t invite you over,” other moms often say. “My house is a disaster.” The moment I arrive for a playdate, before exchanging pleasantries, they exclaim, “Please don’t judge me; it’s an absolute mess. Seriously, it’s a wreck. Just don’t look. I’m so mortified!”
Let’s be real: these are fibs.
Because when I step into the home of a mom who is overly apologetic about her kitchen, the toys strewn across the living room, or the so-called grime in her bathroom, I find myself torn between laughter and disbelief. Seriously? Your house isn’t messy; it’s pristine. You have neatly arranged guest towels, and your children’s toys are confined to a rug, which, by the way, isn’t littered with crumbs. Sippy cups are safely stored in the kitchen, Play-Doh is nowhere to be seen, and the dog doesn’t shed. Claiming that your home is dirty hints at a disconnect from reality, a misunderstanding of the chaos that comes with little ones, or perhaps a hidden desire to make me feel guilty or a cry for reassurance. Likely, it’s all of the above. Just stop. You can either embrace your shame or fully embrace small children, and as a mother of three boys under five, I can assure you that it’s a challenge.
So to all the moms claiming their spotless homes are messy, and to the other “normal” moms who fear hosting because that level of cleanliness seems unattainable due to kids, time, pets, and life’s endless projects—let’s establish some ground rules.
Normal
There’s a room in your home that remains perpetually cluttered and messy. For me, it’s the dining room, outfitted with my great-grandmother’s cherry dining suite, including a buffet and china cabinet. My sewing projects take over the table, art supplies are scattered everywhere, and at times, train tracks can be found underfoot. Honestly, the beautiful cherry wood is rarely visible. I tidy this room for special occasions when fine china is required; otherwise, it’s off-limits to judgmental visitors.
As long as everything is clean, you’re in the clear.
Normal
Laundry is an omnipresent challenge. My current count features five clean baskets residing in the laundry room (blocking the fridge, no less). There’s another basket in the master bedroom, plus a load in the dryer and one in the washer. Thankfully, there’s no basket of dirty clothes in sight. We’re practically laundry heroes this week! Will those clean baskets ever get folded? Maybe. I’m feeling motivated lately. But let’s share a secret: a relative of mine, who shall remain nameless, once hid a Christmas present—a pet snake—under her laundry baskets for two weeks. That’s true dedication to laundry, ladies.
Normal
Your sink is filled with dirty dishes, the dishwasher is packed, and the table and counters are overflowing with utensils. You might even find yourself using a teaspoon for your cereal. When you reach for the giant soup spoon or, worse, contemplate digging out that grapefruit spoon from the bottom of the drawer, it’s time to run a load—if only to ensure the kids have clean plates for lunch.
Normal
Bathtime toys are exactly where they were left after the water drained. Don’t close that shower curtain; we all know what’s hiding behind it.
Normal
Toys are scattered throughout the house, and no matter how hard you try or what bribes you employ, you never manage to pick up every last piece. True story: I have discovered ball pit balls in the washing machine, my front yard, and stuffed between car seats. We face the same issue with Duplos and Star Wars figures, and if I spot plastic army men behind your toilet, I’m not judging.
Normal
Cups. Everywhere. All the time. Somehow, we managed to survive the ’80s without constant hydration, but in today’s world, my kids would wither away without a cup of juice in hand—only to leave them sprawled across the house and demand new ones constantly. They now hold up drinks and ask, “Is this okay, Mama?” before taking a sip. Yours do the same, don’t lie.
Normal
Art damage is a reality. My bathtub bears the scars of tie-dye stains, and I need to repaint part of the kitchen wall because I let my toddlers use acrylic paints. At the very least, your little one has likely taken a pen to the wall, and you haven’t had time to erase it yet.
Normal
Your car’s floor is a mystery. Where else can you toss all those fast-food cups, spare diapers, and dirty sippy cups? Your husband probably has something to say about it.
Normal
You forgot trash day—again. So your garbage can overflows, and your recycling bin resembles a frat party aftermath. But it’s okay; as long as you managed to get the trash out of the house, you’re a winner in my book. High-five!
Normal
Dusting? What’s that? You might not have dusted since your parents last visited, and you’re pretty sure you own Pledge somewhere. Just don’t look up at those high shelves if you’re allergic.
Normal
You have an area of your home that’s been in disrepair for longer than you’re willing to admit. My oldest son has never seen us use our master bath shower—it’s been four years. We need to replace the tile, but it’s just never happened. I thought this was a major flaw until I mentioned it to other mothers, who admitted to having unusable bathrooms and decrepit decks. I salute my fellow warriors in domestic chaos.
So there you have it. Your home is either exceptionally clean, and you should quit the apologies, or at the very least, you can release the shame and host playdates without fear. We’re all navigating the same waters. I won’t scrutinize your dining room if you don’t scrutinize mine.
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Summary
This article humorously explores the reality of what “normal” looks like in homes with small children. It details the messiness that many parents experience, from cluttered rooms and laundry challenges to the chaos of scattered toys and dirty dishes. The author encourages moms to embrace their imperfect homes and drop the shame associated with parenting messes, reminding them that they are not alone in this journey.