When my daughter was thirteen, she used to say, “I want to be like Vanessa when I grow up.” Vanessa is a dear friend of mine, known for her dazzling career in the entertainment world and her eclectic taste in partners—from chefs to corporate lawyers. Meanwhile, Vanessa secretly admires our mutual friend, Tara. Tara is a devoted stay-at-home mom with two preteen daughters, a lovely home, and a lifestyle that seems picture-perfect. Whenever we gather at Tara’s for lunch, we indulge in lavish five-course meals, while her daughters flaunt trendy outfits. Her kitchen radiates warmth, where we sip coffee and tackle life’s challenges together.
On the flip side, Tara looks at me with envy. She dreams of being a working mom, earning her own income, enjoying leisurely martini lunches, and attending high-stakes meetings. She longs for the freedom to pop a frozen dinner in the oven without a hint of guilt. As for me? I sometimes wish I could rewind time and relive my teenage years, starting anew.
This cycle of admiration among women has persisted since the dawn of time. Ever since some women were blessed with voluptuous figures and others with statuesque legs; since the days of curly versus straight hair, there has always been a yearning for what we don’t possess. The allure of a different tax bracket, a stylish restaurant, a chic dress, a trendy hairstyle, or even a different partner is ever-present.
So, how do we embrace the women we are instead of constantly yearning to be someone else?
Vanessa’s mother is a prominent journalist who travels the country, living a life of glamour. She raised Vanessa as a single parent after an early divorce. In contrast, Tara’s mother spent her life at home, creating a welcoming kitchen where neighbors gathered. My own mother worked outside the home starting when I was twelve, imparting various domestic skills—some of which I still rely on today. I made sure to wear real clothes during school drop-offs; heaven forbid I have an accident in just a robe!
We absorb lessons from our mothers, not just through their words but through their actions. I remember my mother serving my father, her voice and demeanor echoing with unspoken rules and secrets. I recall her saying couples should never go to bed angry, yet I also recognize that times change. As decades pass—some sultry and some rebellious—we adopt what resonates while discarding what doesn’t.
The 1920s saw women gain the right to vote, followed by the 1940s, when we entered the workforce. The 1950s pushed us back into the home, yet with newfound pride. The 1960s brought a wave of liberation, while the 1970s demanded equality in the workplace. The 1980s saw us rise as supermoms, and in the 1990s, we fought for the right to make choices about our own bodies. Today, in this new millennium, we are poised to lead and shape society.
As we evolve, so do our daughters, and the cycle continues. How often do we notice our grandmothers’ traits mirrored in our daughters? My daughter used to insist, “I don’t want to be like you,” all while mirroring my thick hair into a ponytail. Side by side, we’d gaze into the mirror, and I’d see my eyes, my smile reflected back at me. She may not want to be like me, but the resemblance is undeniable. It’s amusing to witness her repeating my phrases—words passed down from my mother and hers before that.
Language may evolve—“neat” became “cool,” which morphed into “bad” and now “LOL” and “OMG”—but the message remains unchanged. We strive to guide our daughters toward becoming fully realized individuals. My daughter embodies the spirit of the ‘60s, the confidence of the ‘80s, and the awareness of our current era. She reflects parts of me while also carving her own unique identity.
In this ongoing journey of motherhood and womanhood, we find ourselves intertwined with the generations before us and those to come. And as we navigate this complex tapestry, we celebrate our differences while cherishing our shared experiences.
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Summary
This piece reflects on the generational dynamics of motherhood, exploring how women often admire what they lack in one another while simultaneously embodying traits from their mothers and daughters. As societal roles evolve, so too do the aspirations and identities of women, creating a rich tapestry of experiences that connect us all.
Keyphrase: motherhood and womanhood
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