Updated: Dec. 2, 2016 | Originally Published: Oct. 8, 2015
Chores play a crucial role in a child’s growth. They instill a sense of responsibility, foster teamwork, and teach that life isn’t just about engaging in preferred activities. For my children, chores are even more vital; they prevent me from entertaining the thought of sending them off with the circus when it rolls into town.
Yet, when I catch a glimpse of my dishwasher crammed in this haphazard manner…
Image courtesy Linda Carter
…I realize that my efforts to delegate are futile. Who can I blame? After scouring for the usual suspects—like the ever-popular cartoons, video games, and their father (a true pioneer in the art of poor dishwasher loading)—I came to a rather sobering conclusion: “No one is to blame.” Except for me, of course, standing alone in my sea of frustration and disillusionment as I recognize that proper chore training is yet another responsibility I’ve failed to uphold.
This revelation brought me to a pivotal understanding: Parenting is about assigning chores to the least competent workers imaginable, with no one to hold accountable but yourself. This epiphany struck me while I was crouched in the gravel, dodging spiderwebs that clung to my waste bins, and rummaging through a pile of recycling buried in the depths of the green waste bin. Unsurprisingly, I was also trying to refrain from swearing with my neighbor’s window wide open. It was quite the challenge.
This moment reminded me of my childhood. Back in elementary school, long before the internet took over, we used to program a little turtle to draw shapes on our Apple IIe computers. It was state-of-the-art tech education for the gifted students, no less. As a preparatory exercise, we had to “program” a classmate to tie their shoes, detailing every single step without leaving anything to chance. The goal was to be as annoying as possible, misinterpreting instructions along the way.
The takeaway? Programming someone to perform a simple task like tying shoes requires incredibly detailed and clear directions. My major realization: teaching kids to do chores is just as complex. And let me tell you, children can be just as troublesome as those gifted kids back in the computer lab in 1985.
I find myself saying things like:
- “Make sure to turn the vacuum on fully, or it won’t pick up anything!”
- “Please don’t use the bathroom towels for cleaning the floor.”
- “Pledge is for tables, while Windex is for windows.”
- And my personal favorite: “Remember to use a fresh bleach wipe for the sink that’s separate from the one for the toilet.”
These are genuine instructions I’ve had to give. Little did I know that my little helpers lack the basic instincts of actual turtles.
I’ve always identified as middle class, though its meaning varies depending on the region. Growing up in the Midwest, middle class for me meant we didn’t have a house cleaner or a gardener. My mom believed we could handle everything ourselves—and we did. We mowed lawns, weeded gardens, dusted shelves, and even cleaned the family bathroom. We tackled all sorts of messy chores like cleaning out the fridge to check for spoiled food.
Although I once embraced this “we’re too good to clean our toilets” mindset, I have employed a house cleaner for over a decade. And don’t even get me started on what I pay the gardeners for basic yard upkeep.
Having recently moved, I currently find myself without a house cleaner, and it’s testing my sanity. Today, I lost my composure when my fingernail encountered something squishy at the bottom of the green waste bin—something I couldn’t see or identify by touch.
Still, I hesitate to hire a new house cleaner. I can’t shake the notion that chores are an inevitable part of life. I did them; my siblings did them; everyone I knew did them. My children will too, as I will teach them in a way that would make my sixth-grade computer teacher proud. But first, I need to soak my fingernail in disinfectant.
In summary, assigning chores can feel like a never-ending battle filled with frustration and unexpected challenges. However, instilling a sense of responsibility in children is a task worth undertaking.