At the age of 20, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. For the first eleven weeks, I tried to ignore the reality of my situation. I made excuses for my missed periods, hurried past pregnancy tests at the pharmacy, and avoided acknowledging the changes in my body. I clung to the hope that if I pretended long enough, it would simply vanish. But the fear was undeniable; for two nights, I was haunted in my dreams by a figure with a cage for a mouth.
Eventually, I confided in someone I trusted deeply. She was heartbroken for me and for the potential life I carried, yet she helped me organize an abortion, took me to the appointment, and provided care in the aftermath. That was 24 years ago. Since then, I’ve kept my story mostly to myself, sharing it with only a select few. Though I felt it was the right decision for my future family, I viewed it as a private affair.
Then, I came across Katha Pollitt’s essay in The New York Times titled “How to Really Defend Planned Parenthood.” She pointed out that nearly one in three American women has experienced an abortion, yet so few share their stories. Pollitt encouraged everyone who has benefited from the legal right to abortion to open up about their experiences—both women and men.
So, I took the plunge. I shared on Facebook that I had terminated a pregnancy in my youth and expressed my gratitude to Planned Parenthood for their essential services. The post took mere seconds to publish, but I grappled with the decision for days. While it was my narrative to share, I was acutely aware of how it could impact my loved ones. My husband and I discussed the risks and my anxiety about potential backlash.
I realized that staying silent felt like a disservice to other women who may not have been as fortunate as I was. My husband listened, nodded, and simply said, “It sounds like you really want to talk about it.” His understanding prompted me to acknowledge that despite my fears, I did want to share my experience.
The response to my post was overwhelmingly positive. Support poured in from old friends and family, and I was touched by a note from the father of my childhood best friend. Then came a comment from a high school acquaintance, a guy I had always liked but hadn’t spent much time with. My heart sank as I read his thoughts. It was evident we disagreed on abortion; he expressed his opposition to government funding and late-term procedures. Yet, I was struck by his respectful tone.
I had feared personal attacks, but he conveyed his views with sincerity, reminding me that meaningful conversations can happen even when opinions diverge. Speaking out about personal experiences with abortion carries risks, but it also opens the door for genuine dialogue, even with those who hold opposing views.
Having frank discussions is only possible when everyone feels safe to express their true selves. Comment sections on abortion are often marred by vitriol from anonymous posters. If we wish to discuss abortion—especially critiquing others’ values—we should have the courage to do so under our own names.
At 20, I never envisioned myself speaking openly about my pain. Today, I wish I could sit next to that frightened younger version of myself and reassure her that one day, she would find the strength to share her story. There would come a time when someone would genuinely listen and seek to understand.
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Summary:
In the journey of sharing her abortion experience, Jenna Carlisle reflects on the fear and shame she felt at 20. After reading Katha Pollitt’s essay, she decided to speak out, motivated by empathy for those less fortunate. The overwhelmingly positive response she received highlighted the importance of open dialogue in discussing sensitive subjects like abortion. Courage and honesty can foster understanding, even amidst differing perspectives.
Keyphrase: abortion experience
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