At 50 years old and after spending 27 years in marriage, I’m back in the social scene. Well, maybe not dating in the traditional sense, but it feels just like it. I’m looking for a BFF: a best friend forever.
My lifelong friends—the ones who’ve been by my side since elementary and high school—are scattered across the Northeast, from Maryland to Rhode Island. These girls have been my support system through everything: braces, questionable choices, heartbreaks, and the inevitable hangovers. Together, we’ve shared countless memories—be it parties, road trips, concerts, or late-night ice cream runs. They hold the narrative of my life, encompassing all the highs and lows (and trust me, with my braces and ’80s hair, there were quite a few lows). If distance weren’t an issue, I know we’d still be meeting often for drinks or catching the latest blockbuster.
As a stay-at-home mom and homeschooler, my local friend circle has seen better days. Over the past 18 years, it has dwindled, and lately, it’s feeling particularly sparse. Cue the theme song from Friends, with a little twist: “So no one warned you life was gonna be this way; your job’s a hassle, you’re broke, and your social life’s DOA.” With playdates and mommy groups now distant memories, many of my parenting pals have faded away. And after enrolling my child in public school, I’ve drifted from the homeschooling crowd. The final nail in my social coffin? As I transition back to freelance writing, I can’t access the built-in community that a traditional job provides. So what’s a socially starved fifty-something to do?
Enter “The Friendship Game.” No game show host is needed, but the rules remain: meet new people, ask questions, and find a match.
Phase 1: Dive In
To kick off my search for new friends, I joined a few local groups. As an introvert, this is no small feat. I feel like I need a life preserver—or at least a hefty pool noodle—to keep me afloat in these social situations. But I’m determined to put myself out there. I can do this!
Phase 2: Build Excitement
With two active teens, our family calendar is a colorful mess of events. Ironically, my calendar is mostly blue—perhaps a symbol of my sad social life. Among the entries detailing my sons’ activities, only one blue entry exists: my upcoming dentist appointment. Really? That’s my social highlight for the month? So, I added “Mom’s Night Out” in bold blue letters on a weeknight! Excitement surged through me.
Phase 3: Get Ready
The night of my “first date” arrived—Bunco night, an evening filled with drinks and dice that promised more fun than my usual routine of laundry and mobile games.
As the event approached, I faced a classic first-date dilemma: What to wear? I wanted to send the right message to potential new friends—something that strikes a balance between age-appropriate and Desperately Seeking Susan (or whatever name my new friend might have). I rifled through my closet, realizing my wardrobe consists of three categories: church attire, relics from my early career (with some shoulder pads thrown in), and comfy casual wear. Clearly, I needed to step it up. I settled on a few “timeless” pieces (think striped T-shirt and forgettable pants) and headed out.
Phase 4: Make an Entrance
Arriving at Bunco, I quickly scanned the room—good, no one looked like a serial killer. (Of course, after a couple of glasses of wine, everyone seems friendlier.) As the night unfolded, I connected with a dozen women, all eager to escape their homes for some fun. We shared our stories—career shifts, divorces, health challenges—keeping it light because, after all, it was a first encounter. Amidst rolling dice and enjoying snacks, we laughed heartily.
By the end of the evening, a few contestants didn’t make the cut, like the woman who didn’t laugh once or the one who seemed to wear her troubles like a dark cloud. But the highlight? I walked away with two phone numbers. Looks like I’m gearing up for a second date!
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In summary, embarking on the adventure of finding new friends can be daunting, especially after years of a close-knit circle. But by stepping into the social scene, embracing the awkwardness, and keeping an open heart, it’s possible to cultivate meaningful connections even at this stage of life.
Keyphrase: Finding New Friends at 50
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