The first thing I did after my partner moved out six years ago was purchase a new bed. Not just any bed, mind you, but a colossal Tempur-Pedic that set me back nearly $4,000—money I certainly didn’t have to throw around.
It might not have been the most prudent choice, but I’d argue it was the best investment I’ve ever made. While it was largely a symbolic gesture—after all, I couldn’t stand the thought of sleeping in the same bed that had witnessed countless late-night arguments and hollow morning reconciliations—it also served a practical purpose. During the final years of my relationship, I’d developed severe stress-induced insomnia, and this fancy new bed—complete with space-age technology—promised some much-needed relief.
I opted not only for an upgrade in bed size, moving from a queen to a king, but also for a fresh start. Who would share the other half? That was beside the point; discarding the marital mattress gave me the perfect excuse to start anew.
At the time, my kids were just 5 and 2. I sat them down one chilly winter weekend to share the news that would transform our lives. They were too young to grasp what “Daddy won’t be living with us anymore” truly meant. Knowing life would never be the same for them, I decided to embrace our new reality and create new family traditions.
I never anticipated these traditions would endure, but six years later, what began as enthusiastic, “we’ll have fun if it kills us,” ideas have become cherished rituals. One of the first was Sunday Funday. On random Sundays, I wake the kids, entice them with doughnuts to hurry up, and off we go to a surprise destination. High on sugar, they excitedly guess where we are headed. Over the years, we’ve explored the zoo, picked apples and pumpkins, gone ice-skating, bounced at trampoline parks, tackled all the Smithsonian museums, attended numerous shows, and trekked to Baltimore’s National Aquarium and the Maryland Science Center.
Another family tradition that emerged during that first year without their dad was matching Christmas Eve pajamas. In the beginning, I was the one choosing the styles, but now they spend weeks scouring catalogs to find the perfect set. I may cringe at their insistence on wearing festive Star Wars-themed long johns, but I’ve saved every year’s pjs to eventually turn into quilts.
By far, their favorite new tradition is Sleepover Night, which started when I comforted my daughter one evening when her dad failed to show up. I let her snuggle in my bed, put on a movie, made popcorn, and dubbed it a sleepover. We’ve maintained this routine nearly every weekend since. Once my son graduated from his crib, we invited him to join in on the fun.
Over the years, Sleepover Night has seen some changes. We had to shift my son to a chaise longue due to his wild sleeping, and our movie choices now lean more toward Marvel than Pixar. Popcorn-making has become erratic; sometimes we skip Sleepover Night for other plans, but when snowstorms, illness, or school breaks hit, it may last an extra night or two.
Fortunately, the bed—now fully paid off—continues to be my sanctuary. Last year, during a floor renovation, it became “Bed Island,” the only uncovered surface for two weeks, serving as a couch, table, and lounge area. When anyone in the house feels down, it’s my bed they crawl under for comfort.
Last night, the kids dug out their Star Wars holiday pajamas and insisted I join them for Sleepover Night. They’re now 11 and 8, and I can’t help but wonder how much longer they’ll want to spend their weekends munching popcorn and watching movies with me, let alone donning matching sleepwear.
I asked if they’ll still want to have sleepovers as teenagers. “Of course!” they shouted. “What about when you go to college?” I probed. “I’ll come home every weekend,” my daughter assured me. I smiled, knowing that change is inevitable, but I’m confident we’ll continue to forge new traditions.
Then we snuggled onto the bed and hit play.
This article was originally published on Oct. 4, 2015.
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In summary, the journey of rediscovery and new traditions after a major life change can be both enriching and fun. From creating special family rituals to investing in a comforting new bed, every decision can lead to more joy and connection within the family.
Keyphrase: Parenting after separation
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