To the Yoga-Loving Twentysomething Who Admires the ’90s

Hey there, Twentysomething at Yoga:

I couldn’t help but catch snippets of your conversation with a friend before class, where you expressed a desire to rewind and relive the ’90s. But then I noticed you snapping that #blessed selfie of your perfectly pedicured toes alongside your SmartWater. Honestly, I’m not entirely convinced that the ’90s would suit you.

The Gym Scene

Let’s start with the gym scene. If you were really in the ’90s, you wouldn’t be practicing yoga in this chic, modern studio. You’d be stuck in a musty gym, surrounded by mirrors, waiting for step aerobics to kick off while some guy in baggy weightlifting shorts tried to chat you up. Trust me, you’d be rolling your eyes, counting down the seconds until class began.

Dating in the ’90s

And speaking of dating—you do realize Tinder didn’t exist back then, right? Meeting guys meant awkwardly striking up conversations in bars, and if you scored a phone number on a napkin, that was like a modern-day right swipe. More often than not, those moments didn’t happen, leading to a surprising amount of loneliness.

Social Media Absence

As for social media, forget it. There was no Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook. Hashtags? You’d find them in a completely different context, probably in the Red Light District of Amsterdam. Vacation photos? They lived in albums, and dinner conversations stayed just that—conversations, not Instagram stories. When you made plans, you actually followed through because texting didn’t exist; canceling was not an option.

We relied on landlines and phone books, and the thrill of getting your first email address was unreal, even if it was only 300 characters long. Instant mail felt like magic! And let’s not forget dial-up internet, which monopolized the phone line. If you wanted to chat with that guy from the gym, good luck if someone was on the internet.

Fashion Faux Pas

Now, let’s address the fashion. The ’90s weren’t just about looking like Rachel from Friends. That haircut you loved? It looked great in the salon but turned into something entirely different when you attempted it at home. And yes, mullets were a thing—everyone had one, including your boss and even Princess Diana.

I’ll concede you missed out on some phenomenal music. But for every iconic artist like Billy Corgan, there was a Billy Ray Cyrus. For every Radiohead, there was also a Right Said Fred. The ’90s had its share of gems, but it also had the Macarena.

I know your generation views ’90s fashion as a jumbled mess of Aztec print fanny packs, but would you really dare to wear that with a mock turtleneck, high-waisted Girbaud jeans, and white sneakers? Because you would have back then, no shame. And let’s not forget the scent of CK One mixed with secondhand smoke—smoking was everywhere, often even in restaurants.

Cultural Chaos

While the ’90s didn’t feature Kim Kardashian, it did have Robert Kardashian, which was a different kind of chaos. We were obsessed with O.J., dedicating months of daytime TV to the trial, along with pointless debates over a navy blue dress, mad cow disease, and Y2K.

That said, your nostalgia comes from a genuine place. Despite the chaos, the ’90s had its charm. But it wasn’t the endless Coachella that Urban Outfitters might have you believe. Embrace your own era, with your selfies and SmartWater. One day, you’ll look back on your generation and see how it influenced you, realizing just how #blessed you truly are.

But until then? Let us reminisce about our own era in peace.

Namaste,
The Eavesdropping Middle-Aged Woman at Yoga

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Summary

The ’90s may seem appealing to today’s twentysomethings, but the reality was far from the glamorized version portrayed now. From the struggles of dating without apps to the fashion faux pas and the absence of social media, the decade had its charm and quirks. As nostalgia takes hold, it’s essential to appreciate your own time while recognizing the past’s realities, ultimately realizing how fortunate you are in the present.

Keyphrase

’90s nostalgia