After tying the knot, my partner and I decided to hold off on having kids for five years. Those years were blissfully peaceful—no midnight awakenings to find a small child staring at us; no loud, awkward explanations in public restrooms about why I’m not, in fact, using the toilet; and honestly, I can’t even remember what we did, but I do know I was well-rested.
Of course, those five years were also devoid of the joy that comes from snuggling with snugly little bodies and the delightful experience of sticky hugs and adorable dimples. But today, I’m focusing on how kids can completely upend your life—and why you won’t even care.
- You gain a startling insight into your own childhood. It’s a real shock when your quirky little one walks around with underwear on their head and you suddenly remember doing the same thing at age eight.
- Say goodbye to chicken legs. You won’t mind, though, especially when your youngest has survived on a single bite of granola bar for three days and you just want them to reach their fourth birthday healthy.
- Your important plans are always one sniffle away from being scrapped. Those plans—like an anniversary date to see your favorite band on a perfect summer evening—are the ones that get derailed. Kids never seem to catch a cold when it’s time for a gynecologist appointment.
- You can’t help but ponder the universe’s questionable choice in allowing your genetic material to be passed on to someone who once sneezed and a noodle came out.
- You will discover just how well you handle the chaos of endless silly conversations, and it’s not pretty. It’s like being in a mini hostage situation, constantly bombarded with questions like, “Why can’t we drink from the toilet?” and “Will my brains spill out when I have a bloody nose?”
- Their idea of fun usually involves mud and water, which means your house will never be tidy again. Plus, they have a knack for finding your favorite items and tossing them down the drain.
- You come to realize how self-centered you can be. I’ve recognized that I can be a controlling jerk when my kids refuse to sleep at the time I deem appropriate. It’s a work in progress.
- You start to question humanity’s ability to create things like “Caillou” and inflatable castles that smell like a public restroom.
- Dinner time becomes a battlefield filled with tears and kids standing on chairs, a far cry from the peaceful meals you once enjoyed.
- But then there’s that epiphany when you understand that all the things you once thought were crucial really aren’t.
That’s the silver lining. The dimples, sticky hugs, laughter, and spontaneous dance parties make every moment, even the chaotic ones, absolutely worth it.
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In summary, while kids may turn your life upside down with their antics and demands, the love and joy they bring far outweigh the chaos.