At 35, I found myself expecting my first child. As an actress, turning 35 felt more like hitting 40—an age often associated with the Last Chance Cafe. Or so I believed.
During my pregnancy, at 20 weeks, I was waiting outside an audition room, jotting down thoughts in my notebook. That moment marked my initial realization of being at a “certain age.” Here’s what I penned:
- Embracing motherhood is not just thrilling; it’s an exhilarating journey, but it’s not the only adventure I’m embarking on. My passion for acting remains ever-present, and I’m merely pausing for a few seasons.
- I want my daughter to see her mother as a dedicated actress. I aspire for her to grasp what auditions entail and to appreciate the craft of breaking down characters and scenes. I want her to recognize that studying scripts is my profession.
- The motivation I feel as a soon-to-be mother is unparalleled. Even if my achievements post-birth are modest, the key is that she witnesses my determination, effort, and pursuit of my dreams.
After jotting down that list, I rushed to the restroom to vomit. Pregnancy was a whirlwind of emotions and experiences. Love, devotion, and exhaustion came hand in hand, leaving me with permanent dark circles under my eyes. Work-life balance? Perhaps one day.
Fast forward to 40, and I’m back in the audition scene. It’s amusing to reflect on the five years I spent away from the professional realm, disconnected from casting directors and colleagues. Yet, in that time, I honed my craft.
Recently, I sat in a casting office, observing younger actors engage in idle chatter—some boasting about recent TV roles, others discussing roommate searches in New York City, and a few checking their makeup as they fidgeted in their seats. As I signed in for my audition on a sleek iPad—an upgrade from the old days—I felt a sense of calm wash over me. I pulled out my trusty notebook (yes, I still keep my headshots and resumes in a Trapper Keeper, but that’s my secret!).
I made a new list:
- My nerves before auditions have vanished. Motherhood grounded me, making every audition feel less consequential.
- I no longer fret about what anyone else thinks of me. In that small room, I see no competition; I’ll land the role if it’s meant for me.
- At 40, I appreciate my appearance far more than I did at 35. My hair might even be shinier; whether that’s true or just my perception doesn’t matter.
- I’m going to walk in and ace this audition, and if I don’t get the part, it won’t be due to my performance.
- My lists now include Cheerios, sunscreen, and applesauce. (Yes, my thoughts have expanded!)
Five years ago, my agents dropped me when I began my journey into motherhood. My aspirations faded into a blur as I focused on the health of my baby and my new life. I felt like I was crumbling, watching my career, built over years, collapse while I navigated the waters of new motherhood.
Now, I feel a sense of empathy for the young actors anxiously preparing for auditions. They’re preoccupied with their lines and the pressure of the moment.
When I was a child, a friend of my mother’s—a talented actress who had won an Emmy—offered this advice: Walk into auditions with the mindset that you’re the solution to their problem. “I’m exactly what you’re looking for,” she said. Last night, I called her to share that, after 30 years, I’ve finally embraced her wisdom. I can now approach casting offices with the confidence that I am what they need.
Who would have thought that five years of dedicating myself to the humbling role of motherhood would lead to feeling younger, more confident, and infinitely more self-assured than I ever did in my youthful days? If you’re interested in exploring the journey of parenthood, consider checking out this resource on fertility or in vitro fertilization for additional insights.
Summary:
This reflection highlights the transformative journey from age 35 to 40, particularly in the context of motherhood and career aspirations. The author discusses the evolution of her confidence and perspective as she balances her identity as both an actress and a mother, illustrating how life experiences can reshape one’s outlook.
Keyphrase: Transitioning from 35 to 40 in Motherhood and Career
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