As of yesterday, I’ve been happily married to my husband, Cheesehead (yes, that’s his cheesy nickname), for 16 wonderful years. I don’t mean to come off as self-important, but considering the challenges many couples face, I think it’s valuable to share what a joyful marriage looks like—specifically, what it doesn’t involve.
Over the years, I’ve observed various relationships and noticed specific habits that can create or worsen issues in a marriage—habits that Cheesehead and I consciously avoid. Perhaps this is why we’re still blissfully united after all this time! Here’s what we steer clear of:
- We don’t assign blame. Whether it’s clutter in the house, the kids’ antics, or financial stress, it’s easy to point fingers when frustrations arise. However, we see ourselves as a team and tackle problems together. Blame breeds division, while collaboration fosters solutions.
- We don’t engage in mind games. Open communication is vital for us. We don’t hold back important thoughts or try to manipulate each other emotionally. I’ve seen couples exhaust themselves with silly mind games, and that’s just not for us. We believe in expressing our feelings honestly and kindly.
- We don’t overanalyze each other’s words. Because we communicate openly, we don’t need to guess what the other person is feeling or thinking. This clarity took time to establish, but by asking questions instead of making assumptions, we eliminated a lot of unnecessary stress.
- We don’t harbor grudges. Neither of us is prone to holding onto resentment. When something bothers us, we discuss it and move on. Grudges only weigh us down.
- We don’t share our partner’s flaws with others. Complaining about each other to friends rarely benefits a marriage. While seeking advice can be helpful, we prefer to handle our challenges privately rather than airing grievances publicly.
- We don’t disclose every thought. While we value openness, we also practice discernment. I don’t share every worry that could needlessly stress Cheesehead, and I know he does the same for me. Some thoughts are best kept private.
- We don’t entertain jealousy. Cheesehead has a crush on a few celebrities, and I have my favorites too. We can appreciate others’ attractiveness without feeling threatened. Trust is the foundation of our relationship—jealousy only stems from insecurity.
- We don’t expect to meet every need for each other. While we support each other’s needs, we also understand that sometimes we need time alone or with friends. It’s unrealistic to expect one person to fulfill every emotional requirement.
- We don’t let our lives or children overshadow our marriage. This is a tricky one, especially during the early years of parenthood. We try to prioritize our relationship, even if it’s just a quick check-in to remind each other that we’re still a team.
- We don’t overlook the role of physical intimacy. I’ll leave it at that—it’s important to us in our marriage.
- We don’t neglect each other’s love languages. Understanding each other’s preferred ways of expressing love—like my love for Acts of Service and Cheesehead’s fondness for Physical Touch—helps us nurture our bond effectively.
- We don’t take each other for granted. I appreciate all Cheesehead does, from being the primary income earner to handling house chores. He acknowledges my efforts in educating the kids and maintaining balance in our home. Gratitude goes a long way.
- We don’t dwell on imperfections. Both of us have faults, but we choose to focus on the positive. We find some quirks endearing and simply overlook the less favorable traits.
- We don’t engage in fights. While we may bicker or disagree, we’ve never had what I’d call a fight. Yelling or name-calling is simply not part of our dynamic. If it ever reached that point, we’d know something deeper was wrong.
- We don’t take life too seriously. One reason we avoid fights is our ability to laugh together. We share jokes, make silly faces, and enjoy playful teasing. Life’s too short not to have fun!
- We don’t believe marriage should be hard, nor do we consider giving up as an option. While marriage can have its challenges, it should generally be a supportive and enriching experience. If things do get tough, we’re open to seeking help together, because facing challenges as a united front is what marriage is all about.
Our relationship isn’t flawless, but it’s pretty amazing, and we look forward to many more years together.
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In summary, maintaining a joyful marriage is about avoiding blame, fostering open communication, and appreciating each other. It’s the small choices that build a strong partnership, and we’re excited for what the future holds.
Keyphrase: joyful marriage habits
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