Updated: August 31, 2023
Originally Published: August 18, 2021
New parents often crave more of everything: sleep, uninterrupted showers, meals enjoyed with two hands, and a laundry situation that doesn’t resemble a disaster zone. As a new mom myself, I’ve learned that one thing most new parents (especially moms) don’t need is more cliché advice. We all know the usual lines:
- “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” Sure, but then who’s going to keep track of how many likes my Instagram post about being exhausted gets? Priorities, right?
- “Start sleep training right away/never/only when they’re older.” Honestly, I might as well attempt quantum physics. It’s all a bit overwhelming. Instead, I’ll just watch for my baby’s sleep cues and then “sleep when the baby sleeps.”
- “Don’t worry about the laundry; your baby won’t be little forever.” Okay, but how many pairs of my dirty underwear are you willing to wear?
No matter how well-meaning the advice is, it often serves the person giving it more than the one receiving it. This includes the insights I’m about to share. However, I hope they feel a tad more relevant (and humane) than your great-aunt Edna’s old advice about discipline.
I fully recognize the irony in giving advice while critiquing it. So, I invite you to see these next points not as “advice” to follow, but as “permissions” you should grant yourself, dear mama.
1. Cut the Onesie Off
Picture this: your extraordinary, perfect little newborn has just experienced a diaper blowout. And when I say blowout, I mean it’s everywhere. For a fleeting moment, you consider pulling the onesie over her head. Then you think about pulling it down over her shoulders. One way, she gets poop on her face. The other, it gets on you.
Give yourself permission to cut the onesie off. Was it $35? Lesson learned: don’t buy expensive clothes for babies; they will poop on them. Cut it off. Was it your favorite outfit? Spoiler alert: it’s not anymore, now that it’s covered in… well, you know. Just remember, blades towards the feet.
2. Breastfeed in Public, Awkwardly
If you’re not breastfeeding, feel free to skip to point #3. Or read on and secretly relish the fact that “nipple management” isn’t in your daily routine.
Never flashed your breasts to a stranger before? Get ready; it’ll happen more often than you think, and it’s completely normal to feel a bit awkward about it. That discomfort might conflict with your modern feminist ideals about feeding your child wherever you are. These feelings can coexist.
You might even get comments, like, “You should cover up” or “That’s inappropriate.” In those moments, your child will likely unlatch and stare at the stranger, turning what could be a private moment into a public spectacle.
At one point during my early public breastfeeding attempts, I confidently declared, “I WISH someone would say something to me!” But deep down, I hoped nobody would because, let’s be honest, it can get awkward. Despite the non-sexual nature of breastfeeding, it’s okay to feel embarrassed. Don’t let that stop you from doing it, though. You survived middle school, right? You can handle awkwardness. It gets easier, and the upside is you probably have less acne this time around.
3. Doubt Means Don’t
I’m borrowing this mantra from someone like Oprah—because who doesn’t love a good mantra?
In this digital age, you have access to a never-ending stream of information at your fingertips. Seriously, you couldn’t possibly read all the parenting info available to you if you tried—and that’s a good thing.
Need the best guidance on caring for yourself and your baby? Let me Google that for you: your instincts. Trust them. If you can’t hear your gut, there’s too much noise. Cut off the internet. Don’t answer calls from family. Avoid asking friends for advice. And for the love of all that’s good, stop reading message boards!
No single parenting philosophy fits everyone. No child is like yours, and no mother is like you. Seek out a supportive community that boosts your confidence as a parent. Join groups that inspire you and create “the village” you need. But if something doesn’t feel right, unplug. Take a break until you can reconnect with your instincts. Remember, doubt means don’t.
If something feels off, it probably is. If you find yourself drawn to a different path than your mommy friends, go for it. Trust yourself, mama, and ignore unwanted advice—even mine.
For more support on your parenting journey, you might find helpful insights at Healthline. And if you’re interested in learning more about at-home insemination, check out this resource. They’re a great authority on the topic.
In summary, as a new mom, give yourself permission to make choices that feel right for you. Whether it’s cutting a onesie, breastfeeding in public, or trusting your instincts, remember that you’re not alone in this journey.
Keyphrase: permissions for new moms
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