Dear Sweetheart,
Today was one of those days when I really dropped the ball as a mom. The morning arrived way too early after a sleepless night, and I begrudgingly threw on some pants before you usually woke up. When I entered your room, there you were, your hair a delightful mess and your smile slightly crooked. “I up!” you exclaimed, stretching your arms toward me. “I play wif toys!”
I didn’t smile back, not because I don’t adore you, but because I was desperately craving more sleep. Throughout the day, you stuck stickers to the couch while I muttered complaints under my breath. You tried to play tag, and accidentally kicked me in the chest, prompting my frustrated shout of, “BE NICE TO MOM!” Looking back, I realize I wasn’t just venting at you; I was yelling at the world. But how could you know that? You couldn’t, and I owe you an apology.
When I went upstairs and you yelled, “NO MAM GO PODDY!” I snapped back with a curt, “Shut up!” Not my proudest moment in motherhood, I must admit.
I also regret crying when you devoured my lunch—the lunch I had bought for both of us to soothe my feelings. Apparently, you had a craving for chicken nuggets too. And putting you in time out for your little plate dance? Not my best parenting choice. I’m sorry I skipped the kiss when I laid you down for your nap, opting instead to hide in the guest room and savor a few moments of silence.
I remember my own mother having days like this, when she seemed on the verge of something overwhelming, and we tiptoed around her, convinced it was all our fault. I want you to know it is never your fault. It’s simply my heart aching for things beyond your world. Tomorrow will be better; I’ll recharge with a Diet Coke, a crime drama, and some rest. But being a parent often means I can’t indulge in the selfish mess I sometimes want to be. It’s a challenge, especially when I’m tired and achy. You don’t need to understand this now, but one day you will.
I hear you stirring from your nap, singing Taylor Swift and shouting “Neber, eber, EBER!” along with something about a rubber ducky. Time to go rescue you. We’ll enjoy fruit snacks, read some books, and maybe even put those pesky stickers back on the couch.
Tomorrow, I’ll try again.
Love you always,
Your Mom
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In summary, parenting is a journey filled with ups and downs, and it’s okay to have off days. The important thing is to keep trying and learning from those moments.
Keyphrase: imperfect parenting
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