It was one of those chaotic Tuesdays filled with toddler tantrums when I reached out to my husband, Mark, to see if he had clocked out from work yet. I was in desperate need of a break, or at least some support. When he answered and confirmed he was on his way home, I suggested ordering pizza because, amidst the chaos of messes, screams, and time-outs, I hadn’t managed to whip up any dinner. Mark was in a cheerful mood and, completely oblivious to my frazzled state, suggested, “Why don’t we all go out to dinner instead?”
After a day filled with non-stop arguments and tears, the thought of taking our little ones out in public felt like an impossible task. “Honey, I just can’t. Today has been rough, and I really can’t manage that.” His silence spoke volumes; I could feel his disappointment. With a heavy sigh, I reluctantly said, “Fine. I’ll get the kids ready.”
In a huff, I brushed my daughter’s hair, wiped the kids’ faces, and dressed them up to look presentable. As we loaded them into the car, I shot him a glare and muttered, “You owe me.”
Later that evening, which surprisingly didn’t unfold as disastrously as I had anticipated, I reflected on my words and came to a humbling realization: the phrase “you owe me” should never be uttered within a marriage.
There’s a hidden implication in “you owe me.” It implies that the other person has a debt to repay, or else there may be resentment, withdrawal of affection, or neglect in fulfilling marital duties until they make amends. Wedding vows often include promises like “for better or for worse” and “in sickness and in health,” encapsulating the essence of marriage: selfless love.
A marriage is a partnership built on mutual respect and honor. The phrase “you owe me” drains love and respect from the relationship. While marriage involves give and take, it also demands prioritizing your partner’s needs over your own. It’s about sacrificial love, setting aside personal desires to uplift your partner’s happiness.
My remark of “you owe me” was, in essence, a declaration that we were not equal partners in that moment. It placed me in a position of superiority and implied he needed to make it up to me quickly to avoid negative consequences. This took away his freedom to express love genuinely and turned it into an obligation. That’s not love.
Marriage is undeniably challenging. Even the strongest marriages face hurdles and trying periods. I refuse to add to that burden by expecting favors in return. Instead, I choose to love without the anticipation of reciprocation because on May 23, 2009, I pledged to love Mark selflessly, and that’s a promise I intend to keep.
For more insights on navigating the journey of parenthood and relationships, check out this post on couples’ fertility journeys. Additionally, if you’re interested in self-insemination, Cryobaby offers an excellent product for home use. For a deeper understanding of the process of artificial insemination, you might find this Wikipedia article informative.
In summary, the phrase “you owe me” has no place in a loving marriage. Instead, we should focus on selfless love, prioritizing our partner’s needs, and maintaining a nurturing partnership.
Keyphrase: “selfless love in marriage”
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