I’ve often been told that I come across as cold and distant, though I’ve never seen myself that way. I prefer to describe myself as shy—definitely not aloof or snobby, but rather withdrawn and closed off. I find it puzzling, especially since I grew up with two incredibly outgoing parents who loved to socialize. During their gatherings, they would eagerly offer me up for hugs and kisses from their friends, while I would retreat further into my own shell. I promised myself that I would never do that to my own kids, hoping they would feel at ease with others and themselves.
I used to believe that once I reached adulthood—attending college, getting married, or crossing various life milestones—my shyness would simply vanish. Unfortunately, it never did. When I had my first child, things became even more challenging. I found myself in a new state without a support system, holed up in a small apartment with my winter baby, feeling isolated. This presented an opportunity to finally confront my shyness, but while I met a few people, I never truly connected.
To my surprise, my son, whom I hoped would embrace everyone with open arms, was just as slow to warm up as I was. From the many traits he could have inherited from me, he chose this one. As he withdrew from social interactions, people began to label him as shy. They tried to coax him out of his shell and often made me feel guilty about his quieter nature. “He still does that,” they’d comment as he clung to my leg and hid his face. In those moments, I recognized my own reflection in him and remembered my vow to never pressure him into behaving in a way that would only benefit me. It was crucial for him to feel comfortable making his own choices.
I didn’t push him to be someone he wasn’t—an outgoing hugger or a child who easily warms up to others. Instead, I watched as he developed a unique bond with me, one that stemmed from our shared understanding of shyness and insecurity. Now, at 10 years old, my son has grown into a bright, inquisitive, and self-assured young boy. Although he may not be the most extroverted, he is far ahead of where I was at his age. He still retains his shyness, but he wears it with a sense of happiness and authenticity. When he gives you a hug, it’s genuine; he means it.
Shyness can be both a blessing and a curse, just like any other personality trait. It’s often passed down, manifesting in children we hope might skip it. On days when I see those outgoing individuals seamlessly navigating social situations, I remind myself of my son and how wonderful he truly is. His shyness has not held him back from being his true self. Perhaps I can learn a thing or two from the little boy who no longer needs to hide.
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In summary, my journey through shyness has been intricately tied to raising my son. As we navigate our personalities together, I’ve learned to appreciate the strength that comes from being shy. Each day brings new lessons, not just for him, but also for me.
Keyphrase: Navigating Shyness in Parenting
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