Welcome to our Spring 2015 toddler course lineup! If your little one is nearing the age of two, be sure to consult with your advisor about registration options.
Defying Pants: A Beginner’s Guide
In this entry-level course, toddlers will explore the reasons behind parental insistence on pants—social conventions and chilly weather, among them. Discover effective strategies to resist the urge to wear them. Are your bicycle kicks falling short? Frustrated with your go-to battle cry of “NO PANTS! NO PANTS!”? Our panel of seasoned experts (aka 4-year-olds) will guide you through the nuanced art of “firm refusal.” (Wednesdays and Fridays, 6 PM – 9 PM)
Shelf Raiding 101
Join us once more in the campus library (apologies to the staff), where you can learn the fine art of pulling items off shelves with unabashed enthusiasm. (Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, 7 PM – 9 PM)
Toddlerhood Basics
Are you new to this exciting stage of life? This course offers a solid foundation before delving into specialized subjects. Renowned guest speakers will discuss essential topics like: exploring cabinets with hazardous cleaning supplies, sneezing on loved ones, and competitive Goldfish Cracker consumption. Develop the skill of innocently grinning while mashing avocado into the dog’s fur. (Mondays and Wednesdays, 12 PM – 4 PM)
Obsessive TV Requests
Do you feel deprived of Calliou? Longing for a continuous loop of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse? Learn how to secure your viewing choices! This highly sought-after course teaches toddlers with limited vocabulary how to persuade adults to comply with their demands. (One-Week Intensive: Monday-Friday, 1 PM – 8 PM)
Strategic Lego Placement
Want to ensure your parents step on Legos in the dark? This course offers expert advice on optimal play locations (preferably right in the path of unsuspecting adults) and how to leave toys in positions that guarantee foot-related injuries. Legos are not provided. (Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, 7 PM – 9 PM)
(Prerequisite: “Where to Leave Small Matchbox Cars So That Parents Step on Them in the Dark”)
Intro to Not Sharing
Due to popular demand, spots in this class are extremely limited and fill quickly. Sign up now to secure your place; if you wait, someone else will take it. Sorry, but no amount of crying will change that decision. (Tuesdays and Fridays, 12 PM – 3 PM)
The Art of Slow Walking
Class kicks off at 4 PM in a building 200 feet from campus, down a road filled with intriguing sticks and bits of paper. Arriving on time? Not an option if you wish to avoid a failing grade. (Wednesdays and Fridays, 4 PM – 6 PM)
Crib Climbing Techniques
Still confined to your crib? This action-packed class is for toddlers eager to escape their confines and explore the world (and open jars of Vaseline). Our instructors will teach you traditional and innovative techniques for getting out, as well as answer pressing questions like “Does it hurt to land on a hardwood floor?” and “Could I use my mattress as a trampoline?” (Wednesdays, 8 PM – 4 AM)
Food Refusal Mastery
Learn how to refuse delicious and nutritious meals simply because “they’re touching each other” or “there are tiny green things.” Our professional chefs will prepare a gourmet five-course meal for you to reject, throw on the floor, or smear in your hair while shouting in protest. (Mondays and Thursdays, 6 PM – 9 PM)
Intermediate Artistic Expression
Who says you need to be fluent to communicate? This class is perfect for nurturing your creative side using glue, permanent markers, and your parents’ furniture as your canvas. (Tuesdays and Thursdays, 12 PM – 3 PM)
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Summary
This Spring 2015 toddler course catalog offers a humorous take on various classes designed for toddlers, covering essential skills from defying pants and pulling items off shelves to mastering food refusals and climbing out of cribs. Each course aims to equip toddlers with the skills they need for their exciting and mischievous journey through early childhood.
Keyphrase: Toddler Course Catalog Spring 2015
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