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Have a serious chat with yourself before stepping in: You’re only here for some coffee. Just coffee. Nothing else.
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Bring a child along for the ride. A reluctant 12-year-old pulled from his video games could work, but the ultimate companion is a toddler—preferably one in the throes of potty training and the Terrible Twos. Don’t have one? Borrow a friend’s little one; she’ll be eternally grateful!
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Walk into Target and feel that familiar warmth and excitement inside. You recognize this feeling: it’s the onset of a Target High. Thank goodness you have a toddler to help keep you grounded. (Target High: an ecstatic state where you uncontrollably want to buy everything in sight. Symptoms include dizziness, breathlessness, giddiness, and an urge to swipe your credit card.)
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Secure the toddler in the cart—just as she begins to whine, the Toddler Time Bomb is ticking. Hand her a cereal bar to buy yourself a few precious minutes.
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Choose the scenic route to the coffee aisle, bypassing the alluring home decor section. Almost immediately, you realize: this was a huge mistake. Oh look, purses on the right … and your gaze drifts. Focus! But then you hit…
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The shoe aisle. You slow down, your eyes gliding over sandals and sneakers—ooh! Clearance boots! Surely just a quick peek won’t hurt. (Check the toddler. Half a cereal bar remains.)
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Leave the shoes behind, mourning your missed opportunity when they don’t have your size. You brush your fingers over a beaded sandal—next paycheck, perhaps…
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Walk away with determination—oh! A bright red sign over the juniors’ tees screams “Sale!”
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Five foggy minutes later, you find yourself in the family-size dressing room, unsure how you got there. The toddler is still in the cart, munching on jelly, and your cart is overflowing with 36 items from the juniors’ section.
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Shake off the daze. Well, you’re here now, so you might as well try these on for when payday rolls around.
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Ten minutes later, you exit, feeling like a beached whale. Hand over 35 of the 36 items to the attendant, ignoring her judging stare.
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Wipe the toddler’s sticky face as you navigate past the fitness apparel. Wait! If you buy some cute workout clothes, maybe they’ll inspire you to exercise, making you feel better about yourself the next time the juniors’ department calls your name.
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The toddler begins to wail, “Me go potty noooow!”
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Dash to the bathrooms. Arriving breathless, it’s too late. She’s soaked. While changing her, it dawns on you: she could really use another pair of pants … after all, you’re here…
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Justifying this detour mentally, you list all the stained hand-me-downs and promise yourself a quick walk-through. You’ll only stop if there’s a sale sign.
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Enter the baby and toddler section. Gasp! The tutus, the lace, the floral raincoats! The excitement is overwhelming.
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The toddler exclaims, “Let go!” (This means she has spotted a Frozen character.) You hand her a stuffed Olaf to keep her occupied. She’ll throw a fit when it’s time to go and you haven’t bought it, but for now, those raincoats are the priority.
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In mere seconds, toss 18 toddler outfits into your cart. Tell yourself you’ll decide at checkout.
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Winding towards checkout, you pass the organization aisle. Wait! Chevron-striped bins would solve the endless cord clutter at home. You can already feel the sanity returning. Toss three bins in your cart. The Target High is kicking in.
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One last corner. What’s that on the end cap? Mismatched bowls that look like they came from an upscale store! Your son just wrecked your last snack bowl—snatch up a set of eight, your heart racing with joy.
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Glance at the toddler, blissfully chewing on Olaf’s carrot nose. Great, you’ve got a few more minutes before the inevitable meltdown.
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An adorable serving tray catches your eye! You just told your friend you need one, and it’s only $12.99! A steal, really. Into the cart it goes.
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The toddler gags. Panicking, you fish half of Olaf’s nose from her mouth. She begins to screech—the Toddler Time Bomb has detonated. Everyone in the store turns to stare. Time to make your exit.
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Cradle the screaming toddler in one arm while pushing the cart with the other, sprinting to checkout.
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Pause before joining the line, suddenly noticing your cart is overflowing. Where did all this stuff come from? You don’t even remember grabbing a paisley broom or decorative hooks!
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Dig through your purse, find a lollipop, and hand it to the toddler. She stops crying—thank goodness!
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Check your bank balance on your phone. Gasp in horror. There’s no way, you could’ve sworn…
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Reload the app. Same disappointing number.
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You contemplate your choices. Payday is just six days away, which means if you skip Starbucks and pack the kids’ lunches, you can swing for the raincoat, two bowls, and Olaf. Now you have to buy Olaf. Your Target High is officially gone.
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Push your cart into the checkout line (past three other women, equally dismayed by their smartphones). Mumble to the cashier, “Um, we’ve changed our minds. Just the raincoat, bowls, and the snowman, please.”
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Shuffle outside. Strap the toddler into her car seat, only to realize you completely forgot to grab the coffee.
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Summary
This humorous guide navigates the chaos of shopping at Target with a toddler in tow, revealing the challenges of staying on budget while surrounded by enticing merchandise. Despite the initial goal of simply purchasing coffee, one may find themselves caught in the whirlwind of colorful displays and irresistible sales.
Keyphrase: How to Shop at Target on a Budget
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