It’s not often that a single phrase profoundly influences my approach to parenting. Yet, one statement managed to transform my interactions with my family almost instantly. Surprisingly, it didn’t come from a famous philosopher or a renowned child expert, but rather from the voices of children themselves. Throughout my journey to live more intentionally, I’ve realized that kids truly understand what matters most.
The pivotal phrase was revealed in an article that explored the sentiments of college athletes regarding their parents’ encouragement during games. The overwhelming feedback was simple yet powerful: “I love to watch you play.”
This revelation came from a piece titled What Makes a Nightmare Sports Parent and What Makes a Great One, containing insights gathered by Bruce E. Brown and Rob Miller of Proactive Coaching LLC over three decades. I reread that sentence multiple times, reflecting on my own experiences with my kids after their extracurricular activities. Did I ever tell them, “I love to watch you play?”
I recalled countless moments when I encouraged, complimented, and even critiqued their performances. While I wasn’t a “nightmare sports parent,” I began to wonder if, at times, I might have said too much. As someone who tends to be quite verbose, I realized that my praise could sometimes overshadow the joy of the moment.
Could I really just say, “I love to watch you play” and leave it at that? Would my children feel confused if I didn’t provide all the usual feedback? I was about to find out.
The day after I read the article, my 8-year-old daughter had a swim meet. When the buzzer sounded, she took off from the blocks, gliding effortlessly through the water. Watching her, I felt tears welling up—not because I expected her to win, but because she was healthy, strong, and thriving. “I love to watch you swim,” I whispered to myself.
After the meet, in the locker room, I told her, “I love to watch you swim. You glide so gracefully.” It wasn’t a lengthy speech, but it produced a lovely moment between us. She leaned into me, breathing a sigh of relief, as if to say, “The pressure’s off. She just loves to watch me swim; that’s all.”
A few days later, my 5-year-old had ukulele practice, and it was a big day—her instructor removed the colored stickers that had guided her fingers for nearly two years. As she confidently played Taylor Swift’s “Ours,” I felt tears again. It was a reminder of her joy and freedom. I told her, “I love to watch you play your ukulele,” resisting the urge to critique or elaborate. Her radiant smile said it all, and she hugged me tightly, whispering, “Thank you, Mama.”
Encouraged by their responses, I started using this mantra in other areas of their lives: “I love to watch you read,” or “I love to watch you swing across the monkey bars.” It became clear how vital it was to express this simple love in those heartwarming moments.
However, living intentionally means going beyond my comfort zone. One day, while helping at a local center for residents with autism, I watched my husband cleaning with a bandage on his arm from donating blood. I had to look away to hide my tears, reflecting on how often I admired him for being a devoted husband and father. But had I ever told him?
I decided to write him a note, expressing my feelings in simple phrases: “I love watching you teach our daughter how to roller skate. I love watching you laugh.” I plan to give it to him during our next quiet moment together. Sharing these feelings is essential—when watching someone fills your heart with joy, it’s important to let them know.
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In summary, expressing simple, heartfelt encouragement can profoundly impact children’s lives. By saying “I love to watch you play,” we can foster a supportive environment where kids feel valued and cherished for simply being themselves.
Keyphrase: “I love to watch you play”
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