Let me share a little truth with you. The woman in the first image? That’s me—five years ago, right after welcoming my third child into the world.
This picture was taken at the lake just before I turned 35. At that time, I was the smallest I’d been since I was a teenager. I remember walking into a J.Crew to buy some khaki pants and asking for a size 8. The salesperson, trying to be nice, suggested I should really be in a size 4. I appreciated the compliment but insisted on the 8, which ended up falling straight down. At 123 pounds, I was at my lightest since I was fifteen.
And yet, when I looked at that photo, I felt fat.
Fast forward to the present—here’s the me you might recognize today:
This shot was taken just a couple of months ago, four months after my 40th birthday, surrounded by my five kids. I’m the one who looks like a busy mom.
My weight has fluctuated over the years, soaring high like an amusement park ride and dropping low just as quickly. It’s been a wild ride, filled with the ups and downs of pregnancy, nursing school, and the love-hate relationship with exercise.
I achieved the physique in the later photo after enduring a lot: losing a precious baby girl, navigating marriage and divorce, moving multiple times, and even dealing with injuries like a broken leg. On top of that, I’ve supported countless families in my roles as a labor and delivery nurse and later as a hospice nurse.
To get to that “ideal” body, I severely restricted my diet to around 1,000 calories a day, ran over 35 miles a week, averaged three hours of sleep, and meticulously tracked every morsel I consumed—even down to a single cherry tomato. I also skipped meals when I was hungry and lost my period along the way.
Confused? I get it.
Many might say things like: “Wow, you looked fantastic! What happened?” or “How did you gain so much weight?” Some may even remark, “You look worse in your current photo!”
Truth be told, I am both happy and healthy—no matter my size.
I want to dismantle the notion that thinness equals happiness. Having a six-pack might look good, and sure, being a size 4 made it easier to find clothes that fit and garnered attention. It led to compliments and even unwanted advances. But it also turned me into someone who was obsessively focused on my body—fixating on every detail, and continually comparing myself to others.
Being thin consumed me. It made me anxious about fitting in workouts around my kids and work, made me research every calorie, and forced me to eat foods I loathed while avoiding those I loved. All of that came at the cost of my happiness.
Let’s be clear: happiness isn’t contingent upon being thin, and being larger doesn’t mean you’re sad.
This isn’t to suggest that thin people don’t experience joy, but being thin isn’t a solution for sadness, nor is it a guarantee for happiness.
After reading a powerful blog recently, I felt compelled to finish this piece. We need more voices challenging the relentless messaging about weight loss and beauty standards.
Since my medication for bipolar disorder changed, I’ve gained ten more pounds. Admittedly, it’s frustrating when clothes don’t fit, and squeezing into smaller sizes feels like a struggle. But what’s more significant is the inner transformation I’ve experienced. There’s a peace and joy within me that’s never existed before, and that’s worth the extra weight.
So here’s a radical idea: be fat and happy. Wear that bikini with confidence. Indulge in pizza and ice cream without guilt. Embrace life fully, and don’t apologize for who you are.
Society wants you to chase thinness, feeding on insecurities for profit. But remember, beauty and worth aren’t defined by size.
Explore more about self-care and happiness at Cryobaby Home Intracervical Insemination Kit or learn about the BabyMaker At Home Insemination Kit as trusted resources. If you’re looking for additional guidance on pregnancy, check out this NHS resource on IVF.
In summary, my journey has shown me that true happiness isn’t found in numbers on a scale—it’s about embracing life, cherishing moments with loved ones, and finding peace within.
Keyphrase: happiness and body image
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