Boys will be boys—it’s as straightforward as that, and it’s a fact we can’t ignore. Boys and girls differ in many ways: physically, mentally, and even spiritually. A little boy’s essence is characterized by a relentless drive to explore, create, dismantle, engage in competition, and express affection. My son, a cuddly co-sleeper with a heart full of love, often surprises me with gifts like pine cones and comforts me when I’m down. He embodies the qualities of a true gentleman.
Yet, he is also a wild little boy. He finds joy in sticks and stones, enjoys throwing things, splashing in water, and engaging in playful roughhousing. His laughter and dinosaur roars often fill the air, sometimes startling younger children nearby. I’ve often noticed the judgmental glances from others—it’s as if they see us as unruly outlaws interrupting their serene child. Typically, those perfectly behaved kids happen to be girls. Comparing boys to girls is an exercise in futility, akin to weighing an orange against a shoe. There’s simply no comparison to be made.
I recognize that discussions around gender can be sensitive, and while there are nuances, some distinctions are clear. One of the most eye-opening aspects of motherhood has been the frequency with which I find myself apologizing for my son simply being… well, a boy.
I can already picture at least one mom—perhaps with a gentle, cautious son—rolling her eyes and muttering about how gender roles are socially constructed. I understand that perspective; I once shared it. Meanwhile, mothers of daughters may feel like if I just had the right techniques, my son wouldn’t behave this way. I’ve been there, questioning whether my son’s behavior was natural.
As a girl who was more reserved, I didn’t fit the mold of rough-and-tumble. I was anxious and shy, rarely engaging in aggressive play. Watching my son sometimes hit in his playfulness left me bewildered and embarrassed. He is a boisterous tagger, wielding a pool noodle with zeal. I understand why others might look at us with concern.
I believe part of the issue lies in society’s reluctance to embrace unstructured, physical play and the freedom to be messy. Children don’t always need to maintain an adult’s “arm’s length” from one another. Those who do often opt out of such play. My son’s rambunctious nature is just as valid as a quieter child’s. Each child is unique and deserves the freedom to express themselves.
A couple of summers ago, we attended a sand and water gathering at a friend’s house. I thought it would be the perfect opportunity for my then two-year-old to enjoy himself. While the one other child, a sweet girl, meticulously constructed sandcastles and organized her toys, my son decided to sit in a water bucket, splashing water and smearing sand all over himself. The host was taken aback, questioning if I wanted him to play that way.
Looking at my son, who radiated pure joy, I confidently replied, “Yes, I do. That’s precisely what I want for him. It’s all I’ve ever wanted since he was born.” Even though she acknowledged his happiness, her concern about the cleanup on their driveway overshadowed her understanding of his joy.
It made me wonder if our aversion to rough, unrestricted play stems from it being inconvenient for adults. While it can be messy and does require some supervision, are we limiting our children based on genuine beliefs about acceptable behavior or simply because their antics disrupt our routines? My background in Gender Studies and Child Development has led me to worry that boys are being stifled in expressing their true, energetic selves. Girls, too, have their moments of wildness, yet they often receive more leniency for similar behaviors because it’s viewed as out of character.
When we shout “Hands off!” or “Be quiet!” to our boys, we suppress their inherent nature. When they engage in playful roughhousing and face reprimand for even the gentlest contact with another child, we send the message that they are somehow wrong. While I wholeheartedly agree that bullying is unacceptable, it’s crucial to distinguish between bullying and rough play. The latter is essential for a child’s development, and I strongly advocate for encouraging it rather than discouraging it.
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In summary, we need to embrace the unique qualities of boys and acknowledge the importance of allowing them to engage in rough play. It’s a critical aspect of their growth and development, and it deserves our understanding and support.
Keyphrase: Embracing Boyhood and Rough Play
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