Remember when friendships felt like the most important thing in the world? Those carefree days are now overshadowed by the whirlwind of work, family responsibilities, and the never-ending grocery lists. Yet, the value of friendship persists. Who else can you count on when you realize you lack appropriate footwear for a funeral? Who will lend an ear when your child declares they despise you? Who will comfort you upon hearing of a beloved ’80s celebrity’s passing?
Navigating friendships in your 40s is certainly different than in our younger years. As we juggle the complexities of parenting and aging relatives, our social lives evolve too. We crave genuine connections and less drama—time is limited, and perhaps we carry a bit more stress. Here’s a guide to both forging and maintaining friendships as you hit this milestone.
Dodge the Supermoms
Beware of that one mom who seems to have it all figured out. With her chic outfits and kids excelling in every area, she’s often the one sharing unsolicited advice in the schoolyard, accompanied by a parade of subtle bragging about her gluten-free baking. Steer clear! She’s likely the most high-maintenance of them all.
Adjust Your Expectations
The “Friends Forever” week at The Cut suggests embracing a more relaxed view of what a friend date entails. Grocery shopping side-by-side might not have the charm of a leisurely dinner, but when time is of the essence, it’s still valuable. Quality can triumph over quantity.
Let Go of Some Old Friends
The women who once helped you navigate the early days of motherhood, discussing everything from diaper colors to sleepless nights, may no longer resonate with you. And that’s perfectly fine. As interests evolve, so do friendships. They might feel the same way about you too.
Be Open and Honest
While it was easy to chat about toddler milestones, discussing the challenges of parenting older kids can be daunting. It’s tough to admit when your teen is acting up or your tween seems to be drifting away. Sharing these struggles with friends can be liberating; you’ll realize you’re not alone in your journey.
Practice Forgiveness
By now, you and your friends have probably exchanged some unkind words. Instead of dwelling on past grievances, focus on the present. True friendships are built on forgiveness; those who can’t let go can remain casual connections on social media.
Master a Few Recipes
Life in your 40s can be tough—illness, divorce, and loss are more common. Being a supportive friend means knowing how to whip up a comforting casserole or a delightful dessert to share with those in need.
Avoid the Trendy Crowd
Sure, the hipsters with their tattoos and cool styles might seem appealing, but they might not align with your current phase of life. If they’re just babysitting your child’s friend, they may be too young to relate.
Pick Up the Phone
Don’t settle for text messages! We grew up with landlines and lengthy conversations. Dialing up a friend for a good chat can be far more satisfying than communicating through emojis and typos.
Prioritize Quality Over Quantity
It’s nice to know everyone in the schoolyard, but the true friends who will support you during tough times—when your parents fall ill or your kids leave home—are the ones who matter most. Choose wisely.
Have Some Fun
Channel your inner youth! Dance, enjoy a few cocktails, and flirt. All friendships thrive on shared experiences and a bit of mischief.
Don’t Shy Away from New Connections
And I’m not talking about “friends” on social media. It’s never too late to find that special friend who could become your lifelong companion. You never know when you might encounter a kindred spirit—perhaps at the ice rink, a coffee shop, or an art class. Cherish these moments; friends enrich our lives and help us through tough times.
This article was originally published on April 25, 2015.