In a pastel-hued, undeniably ’80s setting, the charming couple, Lily and Tom, lay on the living room floor, their kisses interrupted by the adorable gurgles of their baby, Mia, crawling nearby. As I settled in to watch Season One of thirtysomething on Amazon—while multitasking with laundry, I promise!—I couldn’t help but share that iconic opening scene with my husband. “This is what I imagined marriage would be like,” I chuckled as the soothing pan-flute theme played in the background, and we both laughed. It’s funny because I can clearly recall a time when we shared a similar moment, lost in each other while our own firstborn crawled around. But thanks to thirtysomething (at least the credits!), I also got a glimpse into more challenging realities: the times when you’re out with a glamorous friend and your baby won’t stop crying, or when your husband arrives home to a dinner-less, toy-strewn living room, and you’re both in tears.
The show aired during my senior year of high school and continued through my first few years of college. While I didn’t always catch every episode live, my mother—an original recapper—would fill me in, and I devoured reruns during summer breaks. I felt a connection to nearly every character but especially resonated with Lily and Melissa. I imagined my life following a similar path to Melissa’s, transitioning from a vibrant urban lifestyle into the complexities of suburban motherhood and a delicate juggling act of career and family.
At the heart of the series are Lily and Tom, whose relationship served as a guide to what marriage was evolving into in the ’80s. I remember watching them navigate shared responsibilities—both domestic and parental—with keen interest, taking mental notes (though I also mentally cataloged spy tips while watching Burn Notice). Their efforts to maintain romance baffled me at the time.
At 18, I related more to Melissa, the awkward, neurotic friend bursting with love she was desperate to give. I feared I would find myself with a commitment-phobic partner like Gary, who once gifted a dilapidated car to his ex’s surprise baby. The scene that hit me hardest back then was at Ellyn’s wedding when Gary’s ghost told Tom that Melissa and her boyfriend, Lee, would marry and have “a wonderful child.” It was like a glimpse into what I truly wanted from life.
Nancy and Elliot’s storyline didn’t captivate me then; they felt mundane, their marital struggles just seemed too raw. Now, however, it’s Nancy and Elliot’s journey that often brings me to tears. My brief urban existence gave way to a whirlwind of love, a young marriage, and the births of my son and daughter. While my marriage hasn’t faced the same near-collapse as theirs, I recognize the pressures that strain the Westons. At one point, Nancy confides in Lily that she and Elliot have lost sight of one another. His departure stings, but it also allows Nancy to rediscover herself as an artist—she publishes a picture book—and reclaim her identity as a woman.
When they reunite, they share a renewed appreciation for each other and their shared history. I often replay the sweet moment that signals their reconciliation: Elliot reinstalls their stereo, saying he plans to buy a smaller one for his apartment. “Why would you need two?” Nancy asks playfully, leading them into a dance as Stevie Nicks croons “I Still Miss Someone.”
Nancy’s cancer diagnosis is a harsh twist of fate that I almost overlooked during my initial viewing. As a lucky adolescent, untouched by the specter of mortality, I couldn’t grasp its weight. Thankfully, my parents are still with me, and I haven’t lost friends to cancer. Yet, I did spend a harrowing night in the hospital with my ailing preemie son, grappling with the fear of losing him. In my personal and online circles, I witness how cancer devastates families.
The tragedy of Gary’s accidental death struck me as well. I remember my mother being profoundly affected by this turn of events. At that time, I couldn’t understand her emotional response, but now it’s clear—she was 47. In your forties, gut-wrenching tragedies seem to multiply and intensify around you. Even fictional trauma can feel overwhelming.
What once served as a crystal ball into my future now feels like a reflective mirror, allowing me to see the journey behind me. I’ve learned that life and marriage ebb and flow, that existence is tenuous and often brief. If we’re wise, we’ll seize the moments to dance to the stereo more frequently. I might even attempt a spontaneous kiss on the floor with my husband again. But alas, our son is now off at college and won’t be crawling by to interrupt us.
Summary:
Reflecting on thirtysomething from the perspective of a fortysomething, the author shares how her youthful expectations of marriage and motherhood have evolved. While initially identifying with the carefree characters, she now finds depth in the struggles of Nancy and Elliot. Life’s challenges, including the realities of love, loss, and the fragility of existence, resonate more profoundly as she revisits the show with a mature lens, reminding her of the importance of cherishing each moment.
Keyphrase: thirtysomething reflections
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