My eldest son stood by the window, peering into our yard, yet he didn’t join his friends outside. His homework was done, and he had the entire afternoon free to play—yet the soccer match continued without him.
“Aren’t you going to join them?” I asked. He turned away from the glass door and shook his head. “No, not today. I just don’t feel like it.”
This was unusual; he usually loved playing outdoors. I sensed that something was amiss. “Is it about the Nerf guns?” I inquired. He nodded, admitting, “A little.”
He gazed out again, watching his friends kick the ball around. Deep down, he wanted to join in, but he remained hidden behind the blinds.
The Nerf guns had become a daily fixture in our neighborhood, where foam dart battles erupted regularly. From Nerf rifles to blasters, the lawns were often littered with discarded darts. Personally, I’m not a fan of these toys. I worry about the normalization of violence and the risk of injury from a wayward dart. Yet, my kids own several Nerf guns.
We allowed them to partake in these outdoor battles, provided they wore protective goggles and aimed away from each other’s heads. The incident keeping my son indoors stemmed from a bike race he had lost over the weekend to two older, faster kids.
Before the race, one of the older boys—someone we knew well—had joked that the loser would face a point-blank barrage of Nerf darts. In essence, a “firing squad” of foam. My son shared this with us that night, and both my wife and I firmly told him that this would not happen; he needed to convey that to the others.
As we mulled it over the next morning, we questioned whether this was merely playful banter or something more sinister. How can parents discern between typical kid behavior and bullying? We wanted our son to be prepared to stand up for himself without damaging his friendships.
Determining that the situation wasn’t indicative of persistent bullying (given our familiarity with the boys involved), we still wanted to equip our son with the right words to defuse potential conflict without creating a rift with his friends.
Back at the window, my son was torn; he wanted to play but didn’t want to be targeted with Nerf darts. “You can go out if you choose,” I encouraged. “They might have forgotten about the race. But if they bring it up, do you know what to say?”
He nodded, “Yeah, I’ll just come back inside.” His expression revealed his reluctance to retreat, so I was relieved we had a plan. “You could say, ‘That’s ridiculous! I’m not standing here to get shot with Nerf guns. Let’s just play soccer instead.’”
I told him to reach out if he needed help. After a moment’s thought, he grabbed his jacket. “Alright, I’m going outside.”
I resisted the urge to spy on him; he needed the freedom to navigate this on his own. If he needed me, he would come find me.
An hour later, he returned for dinner. Casually, I asked if the Nerf incident had come up. He grinned and replied, “Yeah.”
“Oh? What did you say?” I probed.
“I told them it was nonsense and to keep playing soccer.”
I chuckled, repeating, “Nonsense?”
“Yeah! I forgot the other word, but I like ‘nonsense’ better anyway.”
His friends took it in stride, and they resumed their soccer game. I felt a swell of pride. My son had not only pushed back against peer pressure; he had done so with confidence and creativity. Despite losing the race, he triumphed over his self-doubt and navigated a tricky social situation with grace.
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In summary, teaching children to assert themselves among peers is crucial. Empowering them with the right words and strategies helps them navigate social challenges while building their confidence and self-esteem.
Keyphrase: Teaching Children to Assert Themselves
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