Updated: November 13, 2017
Originally Published: March 15, 2015
Unmarried moms can be seen as enigmatic, sometimes even intimidating figures. The balance of being together without the traditional bond of marriage requires effort—much like maintaining a marriage itself. And yes, it might even involve the occasional romantic gesture, but let’s not get into the details.
It seems like everyone has an opinion on when you should tie the knot, or worse, why you haven’t yet. The questions can be relentless: “Aren’t you planning on getting married?” “Why not?” As if my relationship status is any of their business.
My partner, Mike, and I have been happily cohabiting in what some might call “sin” for over a decade. Initially, kids weren’t on our radar, but as my desire to become a mother grew, so did his. He’s the kind of guy who would be a fantastic father—if he decides to take that leap. (Pun absolutely intended.)
When I finally shared the news of my pregnancy, we shocked quite a few people. Not everyone was thrilled, though. From a judgmental acquaintance who advised against raising a “bastard” (a full story I can share another time) to my own mother, who briefly thought I had pulled a fast one, there are plenty of “frenemies” lurking around.
Who Exactly is Most Apprehensive About an Unmarried Mom?
People often fear what they don’t comprehend, and many can’t fathom why a mother would choose to stay unmarried. So, who exactly is most apprehensive about an Unmarried Mom?
The True Believers
For those with deep religious convictions, my unmarried status may seem offensive. I understand your perspective and apologize for any discomfort my lifestyle choices bring you. However, my beliefs don’t necessarily align with yours. Just like you might swear by a particular dish soap, we simply have different paths. If I ever seek spiritual guidance, it’s likely not going to come from you, my dear “True Believer.”
The Joneses
These folks can be the fiercest critics of Unmarried Moms. While the True Believers want me to see the light, the Joneses are too busy trying to outshine me. Obsessed with projecting a perfect life, they often feel threatened by my lack of a wedding ring—evidence of my supposed imperfection. Ironically, those who strive to appear flawless often lead the unhappiest lives, hiding the chaos beneath their polished exteriors.
Married Moms
You’re generally warm and friendly, especially when it’s just us mothers chatting. But I notice that you instinctively twist your wedding band when I’m around, reaffirming your marital bliss. I’m genuinely happy for your happiness, but your joy doesn’t define mine. Let’s pop open a bottle of wine and agree to disagree. And don’t fret—I’m not after your husband just because I’m not “officially” married. Promise!
Do-Good Dads
It took me a while to recognize these guys. They often look like the quintessential family man, but in reality, they’re under intense pressure to conform. Planning a simple trip to a hardware store involves elaborate scheming and permission slips, and they’re often told to steer clear of Unmarried Moms. Why? Because, in their eyes, if she’s not married, she’s not committed. However, their attempts to convince me to walk down the aisle often have the opposite effect.
Childless by Choice
Unmarried moms can be a source of anxiety for you. The thought of becoming an Unmarried Mom with just one mishap is terrifying. Just remember, whether you’re married or not, life can change in an instant. In the meantime, keep your birth control in check and don’t attempt to relive your wild days with me—I can’t handle a hangover like I used to!
How to Identify an Unmarried Mom?
It’s not easy. We blend in with the crowd and can easily be mistaken for single moms, married moms who simply aren’t wearing their rings, or even child-free aunts. Before passing judgment, consider this: If I wore a ring, would you even notice the difference? I’m just as capable as any mother out there. I can pay my taxes, raise my child, and whip up a mean batch of baked goods (even if my buttercream icing could use some work—send me a recipe if you have one!).
Let’s build a friendship, and while we’re at it, let’s address the elephant in the room one last time: I don’t know if I’ll marry my daughter’s father. Right now, it’s a no. In the future? Who knows? Only time will tell.
For those looking for more information on becoming a parent, check out resources like this article on pregnancy or discover boosting fertility supplements that can help you on your journey. If you’re considering at-home options, check out this 18-piece insemination kit for more guidance.
Summary
Unmarried moms often face scrutiny from various groups, including religious individuals, perfectionist families, and married moms. Despite the challenges, they navigate their roles with competence and care. The journey of motherhood varies for everyone, and understanding and support can go a long way in fostering community.
Keyphrase: Unmarried Moms
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