A few hours later, we found out my daughter had developed a stress-related issue in her mouth, a term I had never encountered but was apparently common among stressed-out teens, according to our family dentist. He quickly performed minor surgery to address it.
While we waited for the dentist, my daughter turned to me and asked, “Did you see the email about the PupilPath colors?”
“PupilPath? What’s that?” I replied, having misheard her.
“Not People Path, Mom! PupilPath!” she laughed, incredulous. “After four years at that school, and you still don’t know what it is? You’re a total weirdo!”
“Is that the site where you can check your grades?” I asked, finally catching on.
“Yes! How do you not know this?” she rolled her eyes.
“In that case, I’m not weird; I just don’t care,” I said.
PupilPath, which I had to Google to confirm its spelling, is where my daughter’s grades are displayed in real-time, right down to the hundredths place. I vaguely recall receiving an email about it when she started high school, but I ignored it. Why would I want minute-by-minute updates on her grades when I could just wait for the final marks on her report card? It’s not like I’m following a baseball game. It’s just school.
To be honest, I wouldn’t want to obsess over my daughter’s grades any more than I would want to track my fluctuating Amazon sales rank or my retirement account. Why bother? My fellow parents argue that knowing their children’s grades helps them guide their kids toward improvement. But I say, are you serious? I’m not the one with the problem here; that’s you! We’ve lost sight of what truly matters.
Parents, if you’re constantly hovering over your kids’ grades, you’re preventing them from experiencing success or failure based on their own efforts. And kids, if my generation survived high school just fine without constant updates on our grades, so can you. Trust me, it’s less stressful. Stress, as we increasingly understand, adversely affects our health and well-being.
I recall when my father was gravely ill, and I had to urge him to stop checking his stock portfolio every few minutes. “It’s not good for your health!” I would say. I’m no doctor, but I could see his condition worsen each time he snuck a glance at those numbers. Ultimately, none of it would matter once he was gone.
He got my point: obsessing over those numbers was not only detrimental to his mental state but also keeping him from enjoying the life he had left. I know. When my first book was released, I was guilty of checking its Amazon ranking obsessively throughout my book tour, remembering none of the cities I visited. Instead, all I could focus on was that number going up and down, and I feel ashamed for it.
How did we get to this point where we spend more time checking grades than engaging with our children about their interests and the books they read? Because of our obsession, our kids are so fixated on the minutiae of grade rankings that they miss out on the broader landscape of learning.
To illustrate my point: Recently, a change was made to the PupilPath color system. Previously, grades above 90 were blue with stars, while grades between 80 and 90 were green. Suddenly, only grades of 98 and above would be blue, and everything else slid into green. Parents panicked, demanding their children raise their grades from green to blue—essentially the same scores, just different colors! Students even took to anonymous forums to express their frustration. One wrote, “Changing the colors feels pointless, but those stars are what make me feel accomplished after all my hard work.”
Reading that confession made me want to cry. We’ve put the cart so far in front of the horse that they might as well be in different time zones. Over 1,700 students—nearly half the student body—voted to restore the original color coding. Imagine if that energy had been spent on reading Proust, solving math problems, or studying physics!
There’s a significant cost to this constant focus on grades, the virtual race toward college, and the toll on our children’s mental health far outweighs any benefits. We’ve sacrificed not only our peace of mind but our kids’ joy and creativity in the pursuit of perfect grades.
So call me the outlier. I’ll be in my room enjoying a good book, creating art, or hiking in nature—truly appreciating life. That’s the reward of discovering what’s genuinely important.
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Summary
In a world where parents obsess over their children’s online grades, it’s essential to take a step back and remember the joy of learning. Constant monitoring can create unnecessary stress for both children and parents. Instead of focusing on minute details, let’s encourage meaningful discussions and experiences that truly enrich our children’s lives.
Keyphrase
Stop Checking Kids Grades
Tags
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