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Parenting
By Jenna Barkley
Updated: March 5, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 20, 2015
From my experience as a mother of twins, it’s clear that the world is fascinated by twins. Two babies at once? It’s a showstopper! I’ve mastered the art of the polite smile that says, “Yes, they’re twins, isn’t that nice? Now, please move along.” However, some people just can’t help but linger and say things that drive me absolutely bonkers.
So, if you find yourself chatting with a mom pushing a double stroller, here’s what you should avoid saying:
WHAT NOT TO SAY: “A boy and a girl? Are they identical?”
Let’s clear this up: Identical twins are formed from a single egg that splits into two. My twins look nothing alike and are different genders, which makes them about as identical as a cat and a dog. We have never confused one for the other; if we did, a quick diaper check would settle it! Having fraternal twins is basically just having siblings born at the same time.
WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD:
Next time you encounter a boy/girl twin duo, try, “Fraternal twins! How wonderful!” Not only will the mom appreciate your acknowledgment, but you’ll also score points for knowing your twin facts.
WHAT NOT TO SAY: “I always wanted twins!”
Seriously? When I found out I was having two, my thoughts were more like, “Oh no! Double the crying, double the feeding, and double the dirty diapers!” I love my kids more than anything, but let’s be real—some days I fantasize about how much easier life would be with just one baby. No more wrestling with a massive stroller or chasing two toddlers on a park outing.
WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD:
“Fraternal twins! How lovely!” This way, you express admiration without any hidden judgments.
WHAT NOT TO SAY: “Glad it’s you and not me!”
Sure, having two babies is a handful, and I get the shock factor. But you know what? It’s also incredibly rewarding. I wouldn’t trade my little duo for anything. They share laughs, chatter to each other at bedtime, and give high-fives—it’s a joy! Trust me, I’m glad it’s me—shouldn’t you be too?
WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD:
“Fraternal twins! How lovely!” (Are we noticing a pattern here?)
WHAT NOT TO SAY: “Two at once! Now you never have to do it again!”
I must have missed the memo that having twins means you’re “done” having kids. Maybe I wanted a whole team of little ones! It’s never okay to comment on someone else’s family planning choices.
WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD:
Join me in saying it… “Fraternal twins! How lovely!”
WHAT NOT TO SAY: “Are they natural twins?”
Just no. This question is inappropriate and can be hurtful. It implies that some twins are better than others, which is absolutely not true. Unless I voluntarily share my reproductive history (which, spoiler alert, I won’t), don’t ask anyone about their conception stories.
WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD:
Silence is golden. If you must say something, “Fraternal twins! How lovely!” works perfectly here too.
So, next time we cross paths in the grocery store, please do stop and say hello! Just remember to skip the questions about whether my kids are identical.
Summary:
Moms of twins often face well-meaning but frustrating comments from others. Understanding what not to say, such as asking if twins are identical or expressing relief that it’s not you, can make interactions smoother. Instead, acknowledging them as “fraternal twins” can be a much more considerate approach. For more insights on parenting and family planning, check out resources like Mayo Clinic and Make a Mom for valuable information.
Keyphrase: twins parenting advice
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