95 Hilarious Signs You’re Prepared to Welcome Your Baby

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If you’re approaching the end of your pregnancy, you may find yourself questioning how to know when labor is near. Relax! Here are 95 unmistakable signs that you’re ready to meet your little one:

1. Your doctor announced your pregnancy nearly 10 months ago.
2. Friends and strangers keep asking, “HAVE YOU HAD THE BABY YET?”
3. Your Facebook status updates are filled with, “No, I still haven’t had the baby.”
4. Finding a comfortable sleeping position has become impossible, no matter how many pillows you pile up.
5. You’re making bathroom trips that feel like a marathon—approximately 198 times a day.
6. Random people attempt to touch your belly when you’re out and about.
7. You just discovered a captivating book you can’t stop reading.
8. The baby name debate is still unresolved.
9. Your mother is visiting in eager anticipation of labor, and she’s critiquing everything in your home, including your spice rack.
10. You just put down a hefty, non-refundable deposit for a BABYMOON.
11. You’ve shed a few tears over not being able to enjoy that BABYMOON.
12. You’re experiencing something called THE BLOODY SHOW, and it’s hard not to do jazz hands when mentioning it.
13. Nightmares of giving birth to a fully grown celebrity haunt you.
14. You wake up from bizarre dreams featuring Justin Bieber.
15. You can’t stand Justin Bieber, yet you find yourself singing “Baby” to your cat or houseplant.
16. A relative suggests naming your baby after a family member.
17. You start asking strangers to tie your shoes.
18. You frequently declare, “I AM SO DONE WITH BEING PREGNANT.”
19. Your enthusiasm for prenatal yoga has vanished.
20. You suddenly feel the urge to paint the nursery right away.
21. You find yourself Googling, “How many onesies do I actually need?”
22. Panic sets in about whether to circumcise or not.
23. Anxiety creeps in over your daughter’s future salary compared to male counterparts.
24. You have an upcoming hair appointment.
25. Your hospital bag remains unpacked.
26. Your OB-GYN assures you labor is imminent.
27. You get caught in traffic on a scorching day.
28. You realize you’ll need to teach a tiny human how to use the bathroom.
29. A friend’s BBQ is coming up, and you just know you’ll go into labor that day.
30. Your other child decides to break a limb.
31. The grocery store cashier predicts you’ll go into labor soon.
32. Your baby is due on your wedding anniversary or birthday, and you’re conflicted about sharing the date.
33. Your fridge is devoid of all tasty snacks.
34. You’re still undecided on cloth versus disposable diapers.
35. You can’t choose between breastfeeding and bottle-feeding.
36. You haven’t figured out the attachment parenting style yet.
37. You’re unsure where the baby will sleep, but your cat has taken over the co-sleeper for Instagram pics.
38. Heartburn has become your constant companion.
39. Your favorite leggings have succumbed to wear and tear—hello, hole in the crotch!
40. You find yourself crying at random Hallmark commercials and some episodes of The Walking Dead.
41. Everyone feels compelled to share their childbirth horror stories with you.
42. You just want someone to bring you a Chocolate Frosty from Wendy’s, but no one is getting the hint.
43. Your water breaks, and you’re uncertain if it’s your water or just a little accident.
44. Back pain is your new norm.
45. You rush to the hospital only to be told those pains were Braxton Hicks contractions.
46. Your doctor announces a vacation just as you’re nearing labor.
47. You receive voicemails asking if YOU’VE HAD THE BABY YET.
48. Your waddle is now unmistakable.
49. The crib assembly reveals missing screws, causing you to panic.
50. You Google safe wine consumption during late pregnancy.
51. You give glares to everyone sipping wine around you.
52. You worry that those cold pills you took before knowing you were pregnant may have harmed your baby.
53. You toss a magazine across the room upon seeing headlines about celebrities bouncing back post-baby.
54. You can’t bend down to retrieve that magazine you threw.
55. You despise every empire-waisted maternity shirt and fantasize about a bonfire.
56. You’re perpetually fatigued.
57. Except at 3 a.m. when the urge to pee strikes.
58. You start searching for methods to induce labor.
59. You contemplate labor-inducing intimacy.
60. You think about the mythical salad that supposedly induces labor.
61. You ponder whether a natural labor is in your future.
62. A major appliance breaks down, adding to your stress.
63. Your neighbor calls out, “ANY DAY NOW, RIGHT?”
64. You jokingly lift your shirt to show your partner your belly and say, “HAVE YOU SEEN THESE YET?”
65. Your breasts feel like they weigh a ton.
66. You develop a strong dislike for seatbelts.
67. You vow you’ll never let your child watch TV as a toddler.
68. You start expecting a push present.
69. You can’t decide if the push present should be a charm bracelet.
70. Or perhaps a Big Mac would do.
71. At the very least, you want a candy bar.
72. It better be a decent candy bar.
73. You laugh uncontrollably at the mere thought of pregnancy-themed adult films.
74. A fellow expecting friend announces the name you’ve secretly chosen for your baby.
75. You occasionally leak a little when you laugh.
76. You can’t stop marveling at the tiny socks you’ve bought.
77. Your bathtub seems ridiculously small for comfort.
78. You can’t recall if long baths are safe in your final weeks of pregnancy.
79. You stumble upon a Pinterest image of an amazing bathtub and feel anger over not having one.
80. No one is bringing you french fries, and you feel betrayed.
81. You’ve forgotten much of what you learned in Lamaze class.
82. You genuinely feel like you can’t be pregnant for another day.
83. A relative shares their horror stories about labor and delivery, and you’re not amused.
84. You fret about possibly sharing a recovery room with an odd character.
85. You suddenly realize you don’t have a car seat yet.
86. You have no idea how to install that car seat correctly.
87. The barista gives you a stern look when you order a caffeinated drink; you want to respond angrily.
88. Your cat insists on walking all over your belly.
89. You feel like you’ll be pregnant forever.
90. You just settled down for a tasty meal.
91. Your contractions are ten minutes apart.
92. Then they stop frustratingly.
93. They begin again as soon as you finally manage to fall asleep.
94. They kick in right as your partner departs for an international flight.
95. Your water breaks smack in the middle of the Target snack aisle.

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In summary, if you find yourself identifying with several of these signs, it might just be time to prepare for the arrival of your little one!

Keyphrase: signs you’re ready to have a baby

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