Since becoming a parent, I’ve found myself saying things I never thought I would. Parenting has turned me into a master of the most nonsensical questions and ridiculous phrases. Sometimes, I say something so baffling that I can’t help but wonder, “What was I even thinking?” Here are some of the most absurd things I’ve said recently:
- “If you don’t put your shoes on, I’m leaving without you.” Let’s be real—where exactly would I go without my little one? The only options are the backyard or the garage.
- “Do you want me to give you a spanking?” Honestly, how many kids will respond with a “yes” to that?
- “If you don’t clean up this mess, you’re going straight to bed.” It’s only two o’clock in the afternoon!
- “If you don’t stop, I’m turning this car around and we’re going home.” This threat only seems to come up when we have essential appointments like the doctor or preschool.
- “You have 30 seconds to tidy up those toys, or I’m throwing them all away.” Honestly, the effort it takes to throw away “all those toys” is not something I want to do.
- “If you don’t eat, I won’t give you any more dinner.” Wait, what? That doesn’t even make sense.
- “I’m going to count to three, and you better stop, or else.” And what exactly happens after three? I have no clue.
- “Are you trying to make me mad?” Silly me, my toddlers aren’t plotting against me—they just ignore me until I feel like my head might explode.
- “If you don’t start listening, I’ll stop talking.” Said the mom to the toddlers who clearly aren’t listening.
- “If you keep playing with your food, I’m taking it away.” If they aren’t eating, it’s probably because they aren’t hungry or just don’t want it. Duh.
I know I’ll have to up my game as they get older and realize they’ve had the upper hand all along. Until then, they have 30 seconds or else…
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In summary, parenting often leads to the most ridiculous expressions and threats. As I navigate this wild journey, I can’t help but laugh at the absurdities that come with raising toddlers.
Keyphrase: Absurd things said to toddlers
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