It happened again. While enjoying dinner with my kids, I caught my son reaching under his shirt. “We don’t play with our bodies at the table. Please go wash your hands and finish your meal,” I instructed, and he nodded, scampering off to the bathroom before returning to his plate.
Young children are naturally curious about their bodies. They explore without the confines of shame, fear, or embarrassment. To them, the human body is simply fascinating. It’s not sexual; it’s just a part of their discovery process.
The first time I witnessed one of my kids experimenting with their anatomy, I was taken aback. Initially, I froze, unsure of how to react. I knew that shouting “No!” wouldn’t be productive. It would only create an environment of fear around their own bodies. Instead, I took a couple of days to think it through, and then when the opportunity arose again, I calmly said, “Honey, we don’t play with our bodies in the living room.” It felt a bit odd to phrase it that way, but it was important to set boundaries. I explained that while it’s okay to touch their bodies, there are appropriate places to do so—like in the bathroom or their bedroom.
The mantra quickly evolved: “We don’t eat in the bathroom, and we don’t touch our bodies in the living room.” Eventually, it became, “We don’t touch our bodies at the table.”
I consider myself a “sex-positive” parent, which doesn’t mean I discuss the pleasures of intimacy with my preschoolers. Rather, it means I choose not to romanticize or distort the truth about bodies and relationships.
As parents, we often tell white lies about things like the Easter Bunny or how long ten minutes is. But when it comes to sex and bodies, I strive for transparency. I want my children to grow up with a healthy understanding of their own bodies and the natural processes they go through. I don’t sugarcoat where babies come from; I provide clear, honest information. We read books like Where Did I Come From? and What Makes a Baby? to cover all aspects of human reproduction, including IVF and cesarean sections, since those are part of their own stories.
I’ve talked with other parents about “the talk,” but I don’t think we’ll have that moment in the same way. We discuss these topics regularly, so they’re already aware. I emphasize that sex is a normal part of adult relationships, and it’s essential to understand the responsibilities that come with it.
Lying to kids about sex only adds confusion. Statements like “sex is only for mommies and daddies” can create misconceptions that lead to poor choices during their teenage years. The reality is that most people enjoy sex, and it’s meant to be a positive experience—but it’s also vital to approach it with caution and respect.
That’s the essence of sex-positive parenting: not to shield children from the truth but to equip them with accurate knowledge so they can make informed choices. It’s about helping them understand that while sex can be enjoyable, it also comes with risks and responsibilities.
I teach them that they have control over their bodies. When I say, “We don’t touch our bodies at the table,” I’m instilling a sense of boundaries and respect for personal space. I make it clear that no one can touch them without their consent.
As their understanding deepens, we will eventually tackle more complex issues like consent, healthy relationships, and the nuances of sexual experiences. I know those conversations won’t be easy, but I’m ready.
In the meantime, our mantra remains. “We don’t touch our bodies at the table” is a simple yet profound lesson about respect and safety. It sets the foundation for more significant discussions about relationships and intimacy in the future.
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