Before I embarked on my journey into parenthood, I was frequently told about the profound love I would feel for my children. “The moment you hold your baby will be extraordinary!” was the common refrain from parents, relatives, friends, and even well-meaning strangers in grocery store aisles who noticed my growing belly.
So, you can imagine my shock when I first cradled my daughter and felt nothing but overwhelming fear. Would I drop her? Am I going to be a good parent? Did we choose the right name? What was I thinking, believing I could raise a tiny human?
That fear only amplified my anxiety. Did feeling scared mean I was destined to be a bad mother? Where was the promised tidal wave of love? Was there something wrong with me? I concluded I must be broken.
It wasn’t until two weeks later, during a particularly challenging night at two in the morning when she was wailing, that my fear began to lift. After trying everything to soothe her, I finally broke down in tears. “Please,” I pleaded, “I’m doing my best, just stop crying.” And then, unexpectedly, she did. The ridiculousness of the situation made me laugh. I looked at that squirming bundle who looked part like her father and part like an old Soviet leader and realized that she didn’t have a clue either. The fear subsided.
I found myself reflecting on that moment when a well-meaning family member remarked that this time with my baby and three-year-old was a golden phase. “You’ll miss it when it’s gone,” she said. “It was the happiest time of my life.”
My days are filled with chaos, meaning, and a lot of diaper changes, but the happiest time of my life? I’m not so sure. Admitting that makes me feel like I’m failing. Shouldn’t I be reveling in the joy of scrubbing poop stains from my toddler’s carpet?
A plethora of parenting books and websites promise that if you encounter a problem, there’s a solution. If something goes awry or your child insists on using your arm as a chew toy, you can fix it with discipline, patience, and a few items you can buy online. The underlying message is clear: if you’re not happy, then it’s your fault—you must be the one who’s broken.
I wish the concept of “happiness” could be removed from parenthood discussions. As if the ultimate goal of raising children is some kind of perfect bliss. It isn’t. Life is messy, challenging, and sometimes problems remain unsolved. Our self-help culture suggests that every issue can be overcome. But when your toddler doesn’t grasp that they shouldn’t keep peeing on the floor—even though the potty-training guide states they should—good luck with that!
No parent who has ever collapsed on the floor in tears while everyone else is crying around them is broken. No mother who gazes at her child with sheer terror in her eyes needs fixing. No mom who wishes for an escape from the perpetually sticky, poop-scented living room is doing it wrong. Instead of parenting manuals focused on making you better, we need resources that help us accept reality with all its joy, frustration, anxiety, and fear.
Because honestly, I’m done chasing after happiness.
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Summary
Parenting is often portrayed as a blissful experience filled with love and joy, but the reality can be quite different. Fear, anxiety, and frustration are common feelings for new parents, and the pressure to feel constantly happy can be overwhelming. It’s essential to embrace the messy and challenging aspects of parenting and recognize that it’s okay to not feel overjoyed all the time.
Keyphrase: Parenting challenges and emotions
Tags: “home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”