Before entering the world of parenthood, the concept of sleep training baffled me. After all, where does the saying “sleeping like a baby” come from? If babies were such perfect sleepers, why the need for sleep training?
Honestly, I suspect this phrase originated from a sleep-deprived couple ages ago, and it has since misled countless parents. Since bringing little Emma home from the hospital, it’s become crystal clear that newborns don’t sleep soundly. They grunt, squirm, kick, cry, eat, and yes, even smile through their 16-18 hours of daily sleep. Initially, I was concerned about Emma’s noisy behavior and consulted our pediatrician, who reassured me that she was perfectly healthy. There was no magical solution for my little noisemaker—she was just doing what babies do.
As I packed up my things, feeling defeated, a nurse entered the room. After a quick glance at my tear-stained face, she smiled and said, “All of my daughters were noisy sleepers too.” It dawned on me that this was not just any nurse but someone who truly understood. Rather than offering advice, she simply patted my hand and urged me to hang in there.
At that moment, I realized I had been duped; my delightful little one was actually a tiny sleep renegade, holding my dreams hostage. And judging by the knowing look in that nurse’s eyes, this was just the beginning.
Returning home, I rifled through my hospital materials, flipping through the “what to expect” books, and even my extensive binder from childbirth classes. Surely there was some guidance on managing newborn sleep somewhere among those pages—where was the reset button?!
Then it hit me: if they told us the truth, the human race might just halt procreation. So, what are the hard truths about newborn sleep?
- Newborns are noisy sleepers. Forget the peaceful image of a sleeping babe; they grunt, squeal, and thrash, even when snugly swaddled. You’ll find yourself dashing to their crib repeatedly, only to wake them up and start the cycle over again.
- They often sleep with their eyes wide open, staring at you like tiny adorably creepy stalkers. Sometimes, their eyelids droop while their eyes roll back, resembling an extra from a zombie flick. Over time, you’ll grow accustomed to it.
- If you’re lucky enough to have a baby who sleeps through the night from day one, keep it to yourself. Seriously. I might not be able to be friends with you right now, as jealousy and exhaustion fuel my resentment. Enjoy your sleep while it lasts.
- Please refrain from asking, “Have you tried swaddling?” Yes, I’ve tried every swaddle known to mankind and every so-called miracle product. My clever little one quickly discovered how to kick her way out, turning swaddling into just another game of “Keep Mommy Awake.”
- Don’t even think about suggesting other sleep aids. I have two white noise machines and have tested every pacifier imaginable. In a moment of desperation, I even contemplated creating a silicone mold of my breast to soothe her to sleep. While these methods sometimes worked for a bit, I barely remember what it’s like to sleep for more than four hours straight.
- The term “colic” is just a fancy way of saying, “Your baby cries a lot and doesn’t sleep, and there’s not much we can do.” The only cure is time.
- Don’t be fooled by white noise; any sound you make will cut through it like a hot knife through butter. If you need to use the bathroom while your newborn is asleep in the same room, just lie still and accept your fate.
- When family offers to babysit overnight, don’t hesitate—take them up on it! Hand over your little angel and dive into bed. Forget about emails, blogs, and social media; let those wait while you catch up on some much-needed rest.
- The age-old advice to “sleep when your baby sleeps” is only practical if your baby isn’t a car sleeper. If they fall asleep only when you’re driving in circles, good luck finding time for a shower or meal.
- If you discover a method that works, stick with it until it no longer does! Recently, I chatted with my friend Mia, who has three kids. She shared that none of her children ever slept longer than three hours, but as they grow, you can start setting bedtime rules. So yes, things do improve with age.
For more insights on starting your family journey, you can check out our post on couples’ fertility journey for intracervical insemination. For those considering at-home options, this syringe kit is a great choice. And for additional guidance, this resource offers valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, newborn sleep is a chaotic adventure filled with noise, unexpected awakenings, and the constant search for solutions. Embrace the chaos, and remember, you’re not alone in this journey.
Keyphrase: newborn sleep realities
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