Recently, I found myself giving my son a lecture about the overwhelming clutter in his room. Fueled by a newfound determination to declutter, I took a garbage bag and tackled my own closet. To my surprise, I uncovered a treasure trove of items I had long forgotten—like leopard-print halter tops and pleather pants. Here are eight pieces that were once staples in my wardrobe, but I can confidently say I’ll never wear again.
- Knee-high heeled boots. Once upon a time, I strutted around in these leather gems, channeling my inner Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman. They were my go-to for the office, happy hours, and first dates where I aimed to impress without revealing too much. While some of my mom friends still manage to rock this look during school drop-off, I have come to terms with the fact that my feet—now a size 8 after two kids—simply can’t endure the torture of heels anymore. I’ll truly miss my beloved high-heeled boots.
- Thong underwear. With a toddler who insists on being the center of attention and a kindergartener who rolls her eyes at everything, I have enough discomfort in my life. I’ve decided to embrace the comfort of briefs instead. Plus, when my little ones decide to lift my skirt in public, I won’t have to make a hasty exit with a towel draped over my head in embarrassment.
- Miniskirts and short shorts. There are certainly women who can pull these off—tall, slender, and possessing legs that could grace magazine covers. I’ve never fit that description, and after having kids, I’m even less inclined to try. Just thinking about the grooming required makes me want to take a nap.
- Earrings. I used to adore wearing earrings until I became a mom. Now, I can barely find time to brush my hair, let alone put on accessories. Unfortunately, the hole in my left ear has closed up, rendering all my beautiful earrings obsolete. I briefly considered getting my ears re-pierced but then realized I’m no longer a teenager. Maybe I’ll wait until my daughter is old enough to join me for a fun day at Claire’s.
- Strapless bras. I hated these contraptions long before my body faced the harsh realities of motherhood. At this point, my girls need all the support they can get. By the end of the day, wearing a strapless bra feels more like a form of medieval torture than a comfortable undergarment. No amount of cuteness in a strapless dress will tempt me to wear one again.
- White pants. Back in the carefree days before kids, I wore white with abandon—even after Labor Day! Now, the thought of wearing white fills me with dread. I never know what sticky surprise is lurking on my chair, waiting to ruin my outfit—whether it’s markers, spilled juice, or a potty-training toddler wanting to sit on my lap. I think I’ll wait until the kids are off to college before attempting white pants again.
- Beer logo T-shirts. My six-year-old is suddenly trying to read everything in sight, and I don’t want her to stumble upon “Heineken” on my shirt. Nor do I want to explain why there are cartoon frogs on my old Señor Frogs shirt from 1994. Time to say goodbye to the party shirts.
- Maternity clothes. I’ll admit, I still have a couple of maternity dresses I try to pass off as trendy baby doll styles. But overall, my maternity collection just sits there, a reminder that I’m done having kids. The thought of parting with these items is overwhelming, but as I survey my crowded closet, it’s clear I need to make space for the woman I’ve become.
As I reflect on the changes in my life, it’s time for my wardrobe to reflect the mature, semi-groomed woman I am today. I might keep those pleather pants, just in case I need to impress my husband or fend off an unexpected assassin. A little surprise in the closet can be fun!
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In summary, it’s time to embrace a more realistic wardrobe that aligns with my current lifestyle, leaving behind the relics of a past life.
Keyphrase: wardrobe decluttering
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