It’s probably something I should discuss in therapy, but since I don’t have a therapist, here I am.
I’ve had a pretty rough six months, to say the least. I mean, is it even normal to well up with tears (and sometimes actually cry) whenever someone casually asks, “How are you?” Because that’s been my reality for a while now.
The Highs and Lows of My First Book Launch
After my first book launch, I realized just how much I relished the exhilarating highs that came with publishing. Sure, there were some lows—like that memorable reading where only one person showed up—but the highs were enough to make it all worthwhile. I made it onto the New York Times list, went on a book tour, and even sold the foreign rights! The thrill was intoxicating, and I became hooked on it.
The Sudden Halt
But that all came to a sudden halt. During the summer, I reached out to my agent, Rachel, and complained about feeling bored. No one wanted to interview me or have me speak at events anymore, and I missed the excitement of that roller coaster ride I had grown accustomed to. “Just write another book,” she suggested. So, I did.
The Disappointments of My Second Book
Once the challenging part—the writing—was behind me, I eagerly prepared for the launch of my second book. This time, as a seasoned author, I was ready for something bigger and better. I was waiting for the universe to deliver those exhilarating highs again.
Unfortunately, the highs never came. The second book turned out to be a series of disappointments. It all began right before the release when I learned that due to a dispute with my publisher, Harper & Collins, Barnes & Noble would be pulling all of my books off their shelves. No in-store promotions, no online marketing, no book tours. Just like that. I was advised to keep quiet about the whole debacle and to focus on Amazon sales instead. So, I tried.
The first week’s sales were dismal, and things only spiraled downward from there. Maybe it was the Barnes & Noble situation, or the tragic events at the Boston Marathon shortly after, or simply an overwhelming number of similar books hitting the shelves at the same time. Perhaps I was just a one-hit wonder. Whatever the case, while my first book did well enough to lead to a sequel, the second one was making it painfully clear that a third was unlikely. It felt as though I had been flattened by a freight train when I was expecting the thrill of a roller coaster.
Continued Struggles
The disappointments continued to pile up. A segment we filmed for a popular show was scrapped because it was deemed too positive. The press coverage I was promised never materialized. Books didn’t arrive at events where I was scheduled to appear, so even with an audience, I couldn’t sell my work. I tried to maintain a sense of humor, but without any highs to balance out the lows, my second book felt like a complete failure.
Repeatedly, I was told not to share my struggles online. “Nobody likes a loser,” I was advised. “If you appear successful, success will follow.” So, I stayed silent, hoping the book’s fortunes would change. Each week that passed without improvement chipped away at my self-worth.
Finding My Voice Again
This blog—the one place where I’ve always been honest—turned into a space where I felt I had to put on a façade. I had built a community focused on truth-telling, yet I found myself unable to express my disappointments. Instead of addressing the deeper issues, I resorted to writing lighthearted fluff pieces. It felt disingenuous to write anything meaningful while ignoring my real emotions. Gradually, I withdrew and added more contributors to fill the gaps I could no longer address.
I’m proud of how community-driven this platform has become. There are many topics I can’t write about anymore—like pregnancy, which feels like a lifetime ago, and my kids, who are now at an age where I choose to keep their experiences private. I cherish the voices of other women who can share insights I can’t. Yet, I missed having my own voice here and began to resent the very site I created and loved.
Now, this might sound trivial or even absurd to some. You might be rolling your eyes and thinking this falls under the category of “problems of the privileged.” I know I’m fortunate to have published two books, and it could certainly be worse. But the last six months have taken a toll on me. It’s been a long six months of feigning happiness while trying not to burn bridges.
Ready for a Fresh Start
But that’s enough. I’m ready to climb out of this hole I’ve dug for myself. I want to reclaim the pride I used to feel here instead of feeling crushed by disappointment. I long to write again, rather than battling insecurities and deleting posts before they see the light of day. I want to feel inspired, excited, and positive, and I realize I can’t do that unless I come clean about my experiences.
So there it is, the unvarnished truth at last. Halle-freakin-lujah! It’s time to move forward, my friends.
Resources for Those on a Similar Journey
For those interested in the journey toward parenthood, check out our post on the at-home insemination kit as a helpful resource. If you’re exploring self-insemination, you might also want to read about the BabyMaker at-home insemination kit, which is a reliable option. And don’t forget to visit the CDC’s pregnancy page for excellent information.
In summary, the last six months have been a tough and disheartening journey, filled with unexpected challenges and disappointments. However, I’m ready to embrace a fresh start and reclaim my voice.
Keyphrase: “overcoming disappointment in publishing”
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]