One word: Torture.
Honestly, I could stop right here, that’s how much I dread those cursed craft kits.
Let’s kick things off with the images on the packaging, shall we? Wow! Look at that joy radiating from those kids! We simply must buy this! I can only dream of the excitement that awaits us as we create an array of headbands and bracelets adorned with glitter, stickers, buttons, and a mountain of other nonsense.
Before I know it, the monstrosity is perched on my kitchen counter, and my child is tugging at my leg, pleading for me to liberate the ‘ULTIMATE CRAFT KIT’ from its fortress of cardboard. I grab my trusty kitchen knife to free this beast, a task that feels almost as exhausting as a fifteen-minute jog on a treadmill (not that I can relate, since the treadmill seems about as appealing as a root canal).
I digress… After some deep sighs, slicing, and a few tears, I finally manage to unveil the diabolical craft kit. I’m instantly bombarded with forty-eight tiny, easy-to-lose, practically invisible charms, sparkles, and a heap of other mystery items. Seriously, this stuff could have fit neatly inside a soda can rather than in a box the size of a briefcase. And yet, I fall for it every. single. time. Honestly, 48 pennies would be just as thrilling and would cost a mere fifty cents instead of $19.95. But my child is OVER THE MOON, and I roll with it—that’s the parenting gig most days, right?
We peel apart countless plastic bags housing what feels like a billion pieces (enough plastic to wrap a Kardashian mansion) and lay everything out. More often than not, the glitter, stickers, buttons, and general detritus end up stuck to my coffee table, embedded in the shag rug, clinging to our feet, or swallowed by our oblivious dog. By the time we wrap up our crafting adventure, we have more glitter glue in our eyelashes than on the actual headbands.
The only moment I notice any glitter or charms that aren’t stuck to my furniture or my dog’s digestive tract is when I attempt to place the headband on my child’s head for school the next day. We last about ten minutes before realizing the glue isn’t fully dry, leaving her with streaks of purple glitter glued to her hair and a button stuck to her forehead. Then comes the task of removing the headband from her hair, which is NOW dry. Cue the wailing… because this is ALL my fault. Apparently, I’m the one to blame for ‘buying this kit,’ for thinking it was a ‘brilliant idea’ to wear the headband to school, and for the fact that it didn’t turn out like the box promised.
By the end of the night, I’m left picking up what feels like three thousand charms from the floor and contemplating whether my dogs need a vet visit after seeing them ‘produce’ glitter glue and button charms.
The companies that churn out these fabulous craft kits know very well that it’s the parents who are left to clean up this mess. I’m convinced they include instructions just for their own amusement. If a free GoPro camera came with the kit simply for the purpose of documenting our struggles, I wouldn’t even be surprised. The same goes for any toy that requires even the slightest assembly.
This is why I’ve always favored brands like Melissa & Doug. About 90% of their toys come pre-assembled. I enjoy things that arrive ‘ready to play.’ I prefer my meals the same way: ‘Ready to Eat.’ Nothing beats take-out Chinese or a bucket of fried chicken.
When my daughter, Lily, received the Barbie Dream House for Christmas, I worried my husband might check himself into a mental health facility after four hours of assembly. Thank goodness for a calm demeanor and a little alcohol. Otherwise, I’d be visiting him in the Barbie Dream House Assembly Asylum. I’m not sure such a place exists, but I wouldn’t be shocked if it did.
I’ve officially given up on craft kits. I’m sticking to Michaels, where I can choose what I actually want to buy. To be honest, I get more bang for my buck there than with a craft kit whose box likely cost more to produce than its contents.
No more tricks, craft kits! From now on, I’m blindfolding my child when we stroll through the toy aisle at Target.
For those interested in navigating the world of DIY with a little more control, you might find this at-home insemination kit quite helpful. And if you’re keen to learn more about the process, check out this Wikipedia resource.
Summary
Craft kits for children can often lead to chaos and frustration for parents. The excitement from the enticing box art rarely matches the reality of the messy and complicated experience. With tiny pieces that are easy to lose and more cleanup than enjoyment, many parents find themselves wishing for simpler, ready-to-use options. As a result, opting for stores like Michaels, where choices are clearer and messes are manageable, might be the way to go.
Keyphrase: Kids’ Craft Kits Chaos
Tags: “home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”