In the early stages of my divorce, I engaged in countless text exchanges with my ex-partner, Mark. To avoid direct conversations that often spiraled into heated arguments, I resorted to texting for everything from coordinating visitation to discussing holiday gifts and referencing the joint parenting agreement. Let me tell you, it was a messy affair. I take responsibility for my part in that chaos.
Rather than erase those messages, I’ve kept them as a reminder of how texting can quickly go south and, more importantly, when it’s best to step back. Mark’s messages could easily get under my skin, and still do at times. However, since we’ll be co-parenting our child for the long haul, I’ve had to develop some essential texting rules.
Breathe First
In the past, I felt compelled to reply to every message from Mark, fearing it would somehow count against me in the grand narrative of our split. Now, when I see a text that throws me off or irritates me, I focus on taking a deep breath—or three.
Not Every Message Needs a Reply
After calming down, I evaluate whether Mark’s message is really a question or just a statement. Most of the time, I realize that my input isn’t necessary and that sharing my opinion usually leads to more drama.
Silence is Powerful
As someone who communicates for a living, I understand the weight of words. It’s taken me time to appreciate the strength of silence, especially when faced with confrontational messages. Sometimes, letting the other person’s words linger can be more impactful than any reply.
Set a Response Deadline
If a reply is essential or I’m uncertain how to respond, I establish a timeline for myself. Whether it’s 24 hours or until next week, I give myself the grace to think things through, allowing emotions to settle before hitting send.
Opt for Email When Necessary
For legal matters, using email is a far better choice. It provides an official record of agreements and requests, which can be vital for court-related issues. Sure, no one wants to kick off holiday planning with “Dear Mark,” but email is easier to track and manage than scrolling through years of texts. If you ever receive threatening or abusive texts, it’s crucial to document them, so take a screenshot and email it to yourself.
This Too Shall Pass
No relationship or text message lasts forever. I’ve learned to forgive myself for the irrational messages I’ve sent during emotionally charged moments, even if they still haunt me. The same goes for the hurtful texts I’ve received; I aim to move on and allow more positive messages to fill my inbox.
I’m Only Human
Even as I navigate the tricky world of texting with an ex, I’m not infallible. Beneath the ongoing conversations with those I cherish today lie reminders of how not to handle relationships—or their endings—over text.
If you find yourself dealing with threatening messages or any situation that compromises your safety, please seek immediate assistance from someone who can help.
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In summary, navigating communication with an ex can be challenging, but with these strategies, you can effectively manage your interactions while maintaining your peace of mind.
Keyphrase: texting guidelines for exes
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