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- The Other F Word
by Lisa Thompson
Updated: March 11, 2016
Originally Published: January 12, 2011
“It’s probably a good idea to give Leo some space for now,” I overhear Max tell their father from the next room. “He’s not in the best mood. I teased him a bit, and he picked me up and tossed me.”
While not exactly encouraged, these explosive displays of strength aren’t all that rare in our household. Generally, the boys get along well. We’ve discussed endlessly the importance of managing their actions, especially when they’re feeling angry, frustrated, or humiliated and want to lash out.
Having grown up with only sisters and female cousins, I can’t recall a time when aggression was displayed through physical force. Girls tend to wield a different kind of power—one that uses words that may seem sweet but can still sting, along with knowing glances and sympathetic frowns. While nothing may be broken physically, emotional scars can run deep.
I was particularly sensitive to certain topics during my younger years. The issues of body image and weight often became tools in girlhood rivalry, wielded by friends who were subtle yet damaging.
My best friend in eighth grade and I frequently exchanged dieting tips, comparing notes and weighing ourselves at each other’s homes. We’d try on various outfits and shoes to see how they affected our scale results.
One afternoon, as I stepped onto the scale, she raised an eyebrow. We both watched the numbers fluctuate, like a timer counting down to disaster. “I would’ve thought that number would be a bit higher for someone your height,” she remarked.
BOOM. Too late to dodge the emotional explosion. I was left feeling defeated. “Oh, really?” I managed to reply, attempting neutrality.
Our conversations never revolved around fitness or nutrition; instead, we discussed how many meals we could skip and strategies to ignore hunger pangs.
In my family today, we steer clear of discussions about body weight or self-image with the boys. I sense they don’t dwell on these matters, nor should they.
What we do discuss is food, particularly given our various allergies and my goal to accommodate everyone without turning into a short-order cook. The dinner topic comes up often, as do concerns about exercise. Their dad and I run regularly, and depending on the season, the boys will alternate between swimming, skiing, and playing soccer. We emphasize foods that fuel their energy for sports and avoid those that might lead to lethargy or trigger asthma due to allergies.
We chat about their ever-evolving taste preferences and encourage them to revisit foods they previously disliked. We also address their pickiness and how it can drive me up the wall. We go into the ingredients of chicken nuggets and warn that a diet solely of starchy foods can lead to serious health issues.
But weight? That’s a no-go topic in our house.
Recently, I overheard an escalating argument between the boys. I typically refrain from intervening unless someone is injured or genuinely bothering me. However, this time was different. Someone had called the other “fatty.”
In that moment, I realized I had my own Hulk-like tendencies. When “Momma Hulk” emerges, it’s usually because someone has just insulted one of my children about their weight. I transformed from a calm mom to a raging green giant in an instant. “You do NOT call your brother FAT! You don’t call ANYONE FAT, understood?”
(While I may not have recounted it verbatim, let’s just say a few expletives slipped out.)
“Uh, okay, Mom.” The boys were taken aback by my outburst. What was the deal? No one had been physically harmed.
Later, while driving, the atmosphere had settled. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to address body image and explain my sudden transformation. I shared my own experiences from their age, discussing feelings of inadequacy and how those perceptions shaped my view of myself for decades. It took years to learn to appreciate my body for its capabilities rather than the numbers on clothing tags.
For a brief moment, silence filled the car. “We don’t think we’re fat, Mom,” Max piped up from the backseat. “That’s just something we say.”
Clearly, I had overanalyzed the situation. “What? I have baggage?”
“I’m still going to call you a goober, Max,” Leo chimed in with a grin. “Because sometimes you are one.”
“Bring it on,” Max replied. “I’ll just punch you right in the face.”
This article was originally published on January 12, 2011.
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Summary
In this reflective piece, Lisa Thompson discusses her experiences as a mother navigating the complexities of body image and aggression among her sons. Drawing from her own childhood, she contrasts the physical displays of strength typical of boys with the more subtle, emotionally charged aggression common among girls. While she strives to promote healthy discussions around food and exercise, she remains vigilant against any negative comments about weight. Ultimately, she learns from her children that their understanding of such issues is not as deep-seated as she feared, reminding her of the importance of open communication.
Keyphrase: Navigating Body Image in Parenting
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