The youngest of my three children, my 11-year-old son, recently expressed a revelation that took me by surprise. He had just realized that with his sister off to college, it would be just the two of us for the foreseeable future. “Wait a minute, it’s only going to be you and me for the next…”—he started counting on his fingers—“nine years?”
“Oy,” I replied. “I probably shouldn’t have taught you math.”
“Mom!” he exclaimed.
I knelt down to meet his gaze, looking him in the eye. “Yes, sweetheart. Unless some Jerry Maguire-like stranger shows up to declare, ‘You complete me,’ it’s just going to be you and me for the next nine years.”
“Jerry Ma-who?” he asked, puzzled.
“Never mind. Just know that you complete me. We’re going to have a blast, just the two of us! I swear.”
He suddenly burst into tears. “But you’re so…boring!” he lamented. “You’re always working!”
That hit hard—not because it was untrue, but because it was all too real. As a single mother and the sole breadwinner in this challenging economic climate, I’ve had to prioritize work. After my husband and I separated, I took in boarders to help with the rent, creating a lively household that my son enjoyed until it became overwhelming. Eventually, I craved silence to reflect on my new life. So, we downsized and simplified.
I scooped him into my arms, holding his wiry frame close. He’s endured so much in the past two years: the upheaval of our family, my illness and job losses, the transition from our spacious home to a smaller apartment, daily longing for his father, and even some bullying at school. That’s a heavy load for any child. “I promise,” I reassured him, “I’m going to make our life fun.”
Yes, I thought. Fun was the goal. But how?
One solution came in the form of a skateboard gifted to him for his ninth birthday. He’s developed a deep love for it, marking a pivotal shift from little boy to big boy. Every weekend, I dedicate an hour or two for us to skate together.
Another idea sprang from him: “Play guitar with me,” he urged. Two weekends ago, I taught him to play “Come As You Are,” his all-time favorite song, which he became obsessed with at two years old after watching the Nirvana Unplugged DVD endlessly. This summer, we’ll tackle “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”
A third way to brighten our days emerged in an email from my friend Isabelle, a photographer I used to collaborate with in France. Over the years, we’ve exchanged kids for cultural experiences—this time, she mentioned her son, Maxime, wanted to spend his gap year in the U.S. Did I know anyone who needed a boarder?
“Absolutely!” I replied. I proposed to provide Maxime with free lodging and some pocket money in exchange for assisting with Leo’s care. With my daughter gone, I loved the idea of having an older boy around. Plus, we finally had the space now that her room was free.
The final unexpected twist came in the form of a new girl in Leo’s life. I won’t reveal her name—that’s his secret to tell. But I can share this: she loves skateboarding, she’s amazing, and she won him over instantly. Since she entered the picture, I’ve heard no complaints about how dull I am.
For now, she completes him, and that’s perfectly okay. He’s discovering the transformative power of love, which is ultimately our role as parents. We teach our kids math—even if they use it against us. We show them how to read, tie shoelaces, cook, and practice kindness. Then, eventually, we prepare them to fly away.
“If I teach you guitar,” he wrote to her recently, “you can teach me piano. Keep that deal in mind.” The other day, I caught them laughing and making music together. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.
As long as no unexpected challenges arise, I believe the next nine years will be filled with joy rather than boredom. In fact, I worry they’ll fly by too quickly.
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Summary:
This article reflects on a single mother’s journey with her youngest son after his siblings leave home. It explores their evolving relationship, the challenges they face, and the joys they find in simple activities, such as skateboarding and making music together. The mother commits to making their lives fun and fulfilling, while her son learns about love and connection, not just with her but also with new friends.
Keyphrase: single parenting after siblings leave
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