There are few phrases a parent dreads more than, “Can we chat for a moment… privately?” Especially when you’re waiting in a preschool hallway, surrounded by cheerful parents and their giggling toddlers, while you awkwardly lean against a wall, flanked by a gardening container and a squeaky tricycle.
“The teacher says there was a biting incident today,” I hear, and the sympathetic expression on her face confirms my worst fears: my daughter is the biter. I stand frozen, acutely aware of the heat rising in my cheeks. This is the first time one of my kids has bitten someone, and the embarrassment washes over me like a wave. It’s not just the shock of the moment; it’s that gnawing feeling of shame that accompanies the realization: How could I be the parent of a child who bites? What did I do wrong?
As parents, we often hold ourselves to unreasonably high standards. One misstep from our little ones—a forgotten “thank you,” an unkind remark, or in this case, a bite—and we feel like we’ve failed them. I’ve taught my kids to share, to be kind, and to communicate their feelings, yet here I am, confronting the ultimate parenting faux pas.
Though I know, in my heart, that biting is a normal behavior for toddlers—an expression of frustration when their tiny emotions bubble over—I can’t shake the feeling of guilt. My daughter, who usually shares her toys and eats her broccoli without fuss, is now labeled “The Biter.” And I, by extension, become “The Biter’s mom.”
It’s hard to reconcile rational explanations with societal expectations. Sure, I know that toddlers are still learning how to navigate their emotions and can sometimes resort to physical expressions of frustration. But that knowledge offers little comfort in the moment. According to the American Psychological Association, biting is a common developmental phase for children under three. That’s great and all, but it doesn’t ease my mortification—or the feelings of the other child’s parent.
As I muster the courage to apologize to the teacher, I share that we emphasize communication and empathy in our family. I need her to see that I’m a diligent, caring mom. I can’t help but ask how the incident occurred—was my daughter provoked? I want to defend her and, in turn, myself.
The teacher explains that while lining up, a child behind my daughter accidentally nudged her. In the ensuing chaos, my daughter reacted by biting instead of using her words to express her frustration. At least there’s context, but it doesn’t absolve the behavior or diminish the shame I feel.
When I return to the classroom, I find my daughter happily constructing a tower of blocks. “Mama!” she squeals, burying her face in my leg. “I was sad today.” My heart aches for her; I don’t want to pass my shame onto her. She’s just a sweet toddler, learning and growing through trial and error.
As her parent, my role is to guide her gently, helping her navigate these tricky emotional landscapes. And while I prepare to reach out to the other child’s mom, hoping for a little understanding, it’s a reminder that we’re all just trying to figure this parenting thing out.
In parenting, just like in life, there are bumps along the way—whether it’s dealing with biting incidents or navigating the journey of home insemination. For those interested, check out resources like Make a Mom’s at-home insemination kit or the informative article on intrauterine insemination.
Summary
Navigating the challenges of parenting, especially when confronted with unexpected behaviors like biting, can lead to feelings of shame and guilt. As we strive to guide our children through their emotional development, it’s essential to remember that these incidents are part of the learning process. Support from fellow parents and resources can help ease the journey.
Keyphrase: parenting a biter
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