When I tell my 4-year-old, “Please don’t ride the skateboard into your little brother,” or “No, we’re not taking the couch cushions off today,” he reacts with the classic bottom lip protrusion and accuses me of being unfair. On his more diplomatic days, he expresses his displeasure by simply stating he doesn’t like what I’ve said. Yes, he’s offended by my parenting decisions, which is a bit ridiculous, considering I strive to discipline with gentleness and respect.
Four years ago, I embraced attachment parenting, believing in the idealistic notion that responding to every whimper of my baby was empowering. This approach promotes co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, and baby-wearing. In theory, it’s heartwarming, but I soon found myself drained and questioning my own identity outside of motherhood. I longed for the freedom to step away from the bed without fearing that my toddler would sense my absence and immediately demand my attention. While I wanted to meet my son’s needs, I also wanted to focus on my own, which felt like an impossible balance.
As time passed, I recognized the importance of setting boundaries. Enter mother-led weaning and sleep training—amen! Adjusting my mindset meant accepting more crying, which was a challenge. I had to reframe how I perceived my children’s tears. I aim to be a firm parent with high expectations, yet this often leads to my child feeling unhappy, and that can be tough to handle.
Occasionally, I’m tempted to give in just to avoid the hassle of dealing with his outbursts. However, I understand that allowing him to confront his emotions is a vital aspect of parenting. While I don’t want my children to experience unnecessary distress, there’s a place for crying in their emotional development. Just last summer, my 3-year-old fell while running and wanted nothing more than to cry instead of accepting my offers of ice or a Band-Aid. It turns out, crying can be therapeutic; studies show it releases stress-reducing chemicals in the body and can elevate mood.
With this knowledge, I feel less compelled to rescue him from his negative emotions. While I will always comfort him during tough times, I no longer allow his disappointment to deter me from enforcing rules or setting limits. Instead of thinking that shielding him from negative feelings is the kindest approach, I believe that providing him with the tools to cope is more beneficial.
When I say no and accept his emotional reactions, I’m fostering a healthy understanding of boundaries. Children thrive when they know their parents are dependable leaders. Admittedly, my son sometimes resists this, labeling me a “Mean Mommy,” but I know this instills a sense of safety in him. He may think he desires unlimited freedom, but deep down, he craves the trust that I will guide him appropriately.
Respecting my son doesn’t mean treating him as my equal. I give him choices, but they are within reasonable limits. He can’t dictate his bedtime, but he can choose whether he wants to read one book or two. He cannot decide the dinner menu (lollipops are not on the list!), but he has a say in how much he eats. I used to grant my child too much power in the name of respect. There was a construction site near our playground that he adored, and I struggled with making him leave. Who was I to say no?
My children often cry when I enforce limits. “No, you can’t break the crayons.” “No, you may not have a snack after lunch.” “No, we’re not watching another episode.” Yet, allowing them to express their emotions shows my acceptance and understanding of their feelings, rather than bending the rules to maintain their fleeting happiness. I used to equate empathetic parenting with shielding my kids from any distress, but now I know it’s about acknowledging their feelings without coddling.
I once feared that encouraging emotional expression meant enduring countless tantrums, but I’ve learned that setting boundaries can involve saying, “You’re upset, and that’s ok. You can scream, but let’s do it in your room or outside. When you’re ready, we can talk and hug.” I want my son to embrace his emotions, but I also refuse to be his emotional punching bag. “You can express your frustration, but you must do so respectfully.”
Understanding my child’s actions doesn’t mean condoning them. My role encompasses providing love and care while also teaching him appropriate ways to manage his emotions. Children can sometimes manipulate situations using their feelings, and by showing him that I’m comfortable with his expressions of sadness, I diminish his ability to use them to his advantage.
Now, I’m much more comfortable saying no. There were times when I hesitated, only to end up overwhelmed and frustrated. Just yesterday, he asked for a specific shirt and soccer socks, which was challenging given my disorganization. I felt the urge to please him, but I recognized that it would only lead to chaos. So, I firmly told myself, “Just say no.”
I cherish the moments I can say yes to my son, but only when I truly mean it. I prioritize authenticity over mere niceness, and I want him to embody that quality too. By upholding my own boundaries, I teach him the importance of self-respect and consideration for others. We are the role models for our children.
I used to believe that my son should always be happy, but I now see that his struggles often provide valuable lessons and opportunities for growth. By standing firm, I communicate trust, which is the essence of respectful parenting. I say no not out of cruelty, but from a place of care for both his well-being and mine.
In summary, teaching children respect involves setting boundaries and accepting their emotional responses. By allowing them to experience disappointment and frustration, we equip them with skills to navigate their feelings and understand the importance of limits. Instead of fearing their cries, we can embrace them as a vital part of emotional growth. Authenticity in parenting, combined with respect for ourselves and our children, lays the groundwork for healthy relationships.
Keyphrase: Teaching children respect through boundaries
Tags: home insemination kit, home insemination syringe, self insemination