Food is my ultimate weakness, folks. And trust me, my taste buds are far from refined. I’m that person who goes to the county fair just to indulge in a Krispy Kreme chicken sandwich on a stick. I have a penchant for gas station snacks that others save for road trips—think Slim Jims, Flamin’ Hot Funyuns, and those squishy orange circus peanuts. It’s a bit cringe-worthy. What’s even worse are the myriad of diets I’ve attempted to shed the weight I accumulated from eating like a kid.
After countless failed attempts at dieting, I’ve come to terms with the fact that diets are not my thing. Instead, I’ve opted for a more sustainable approach: eating well and staying active. I’ve also shifted my goals from fitting into a bikini to maintaining a healthy body that can carry me around without a motorized scooter when I’m 65. But before I completely abandon restrictive eating, let’s take a moment to honor the popular diets I’ve tried and the delectable foods that brought them to their knees.
1. Slim Fast
My first foray into dieting began after I started dating my husband in college. Feeling out of my league next to his Navy physique, I dove into Slim Fast. Breakfast and lunch consisted of shakes, and I naively thought a Whopper Jr. was a “sensible” dinner. My roommate joined me in this venture, which turned out to be a huge mistake; anyone familiar with Slim Fast knows it comes with explosive side effects.
After two weeks, I lost 10 pounds, thanks to my youthful metabolism. Unfortunately, the chocolate-flavored shakes were as appetizing as they sound. One fateful trip to the grocery store led us past a pizza joint, and we couldn’t resist an early “sensible dinner” of pizza. Come evening, my appetite roared, and I was back at Panda Express, officially declaring my Slim Fast diet DOA.
2. Atkins
In the late ’90s, Atkins was all the rage. My boss, a proud member of the low-carb club, inspired me with tales of fitting into her old Bongo jeans. As a fresh grad with a penchant for powdered donuts, I decided to give it a shot. Bacon was my siren call, and for weeks, I indulged—until I faced an insurmountable challenge.
While waiting for my husband during knee surgery, I walked past a McDonald’s. A sign lured me in with the promise of a bucket of fries for just $5. Yes, you read that right. A bucket. Of fries. Before I knew it, coffee and Atkins were forgotten as I dived headfirst into that bucket like it was a life raft. #RIPAtkins
3. Nutrisystem
After my daughter was born, I quickly learned the harsh realities of motherhood. With a colicky baby, my eating habits dwindled to quick snacks. In desperation, I turned to Nutrisystem, excited for the convenience of pre-packaged meals. For a time, it worked well, offering quick solutions to my mealtime chaos.
But as my daughter settled down, I found myself with the ability to cook again. Faced with the choice between a juicy grilled hamburger and Nutrisystem’s tiny, sad burgers, the latter didn’t stand a chance.
4. Dukan Diet
At 34, I was still carrying the weight from my second pregnancy, and a friend’s success with the Dukan Diet piqued my interest. Promising a metabolism reset, I jumped on board and surprisingly lost 20 pounds while my husband shed 40. It seemed like a winner—until vacation called.
Returning to San Diego, I was confronted by mouthwatering authentic Mexican food that was a far cry from the Midwest’s offerings. A plate of heavenly carne asada fries and an all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ feast sealed the fate of my Dukan Diet.
Let’s be real: maintaining a healthy lifestyle isn’t a walk in the park. Temptations abound at birthday parties, holidays, and pizza parlors. But honestly, those indulgences are far more enjoyable than a sad shake in a can.
For more insights on home insemination, check out this resource for at-home kits, as well as this excellent guide for pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re curious about at-home options, this post is worth a read.
In summary, while diets may have come and gone, the joy of delicious food remains undefeated.
Keyphrase: popular diets defeated by delicious food
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]