Parenting can be an overwhelming journey, filled with moments that challenge your confidence and skills. A few weeks ago, I received a message from an acquaintance, who expressed her feelings of inadequacy as a mother. The subject line read, “I think I’m a terrible mom.” Naturally, I opened the message with concern.
In her email, she shared sentiments like: “I adore my children, but there are days when I struggle to like them. I feel trapped in a cycle of frustration. My partner and I have little intimacy. I strive to teach my kids right from wrong, and while they may behave in public, they seem uncontrollable at home. They lack basic manners and often tell me I’m the worst mom ever. I’ve tried various strategies for discipline, but nothing seems effective. I fear I’m failing them and that they deserve a better mother.”
If feeling this way makes you an unfit mother, then we are all in that same boat! Every mother, at some point, has likely exclaimed, “You would never treat your teacher like this! I’m your mother! You can’t speak to me this way!” I remember countless parent-teacher conferences where parents would express disbelief over their child’s behavior at school, saying, “Is this the same kid?”
Ultimately, we share a common goal: to raise kind, responsible, and compassionate individuals. We want our children to thrive and contribute positively to society. When they embody these traits, parenting becomes more enjoyable, and we feel a sense of accomplishment in our efforts.
As parents, we take pride in our creations. Whether it’s a drawing from your child or a successful project at work, the satisfaction stems from hard work and dedication. The most significant creation, however, is your child—especially for mothers, as you carried them within you. In those early moments after birth, they are perfect, pure, and untouched by the world. But as time passes, the real challenge begins. Nurturing a child is a complex and exhausting task. It’s not merely about giving birth; it involves teaching and guiding them through life, which can be immensely challenging.
I often share photos of my children engaged in positive activities on social media—cooking, reading, helping one another. Why? Because it feels rewarding to witness them embody the values we strive to instill, and it reflects well on us as parents. It’s similar to the pride a 3-year-old feels when presenting you with a “masterpiece” they created.
However, those moments are just glimpses of reality. The other 90% is often chaotic and far from perfect. There are days when parenting feels nearly impossible, when your children push every button you have. You know you should be setting stricter boundaries and providing healthier meals, yet sometimes you find yourself too exhausted to follow through.
Recently, during a family vacation, we experienced a chaotic morning. As we prepared to head to the beach, every child erupted in tears and frustrations—one had sunscreen in their eyes, another couldn’t find their toy, while two of them ended up bickering and fighting. Amidst the chaos, it was clear that this wasn’t the idyllic family moment you’d see on social media. But this is the reality of parenthood.
Despite knowing right from wrong, children will inevitably test boundaries. It’s part of their nature to explore limits and see what they can get away with. In those tumultuous moments, it’s essential to hold on, navigate through the storm, and take time to reflect and develop a new plan.
Eventually, the chaos will subside, and you will regain your composure and patience to try different strategies. It may take days or even longer, but remember: your children are not doomed due to temporary challenges, and you are not an unfit mother.
The essence of parenting is not about achieving perfection, crafting elaborate projects, or curating the ideal family image. Sometimes, the primary objective is simply to ensure everyone makes it through the day. That’s what makes you a normal parent—not an inadequate one.
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Summary
Parenting can often feel overwhelming, leading to self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. It’s important to remember that every mother faces challenges and that perfection is not the goal. The journey involves teaching and guiding children through their growth, which can lead to chaotic moments. Embrace the reality of parenting, and recognize that simply getting through each day is an achievement in itself.
Keyphrase: parenting challenges
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